Draknal's Rule– by CarrionMan- Rated Something High....

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Draknal's Rule– by CarrionMan- Rated Something High....

Postby CarrionMan » Sun Apr 16, 2006 5:49 pm

This will simply be a way of updating it. The full version will be posted on my deviant art, the art forum, as well as in this thread. Please send your unbiased views on it.

Megaville, Industrial District 18:00 hours:
[The PPG fight against a Darkstar Councilman(still deciding, don't really know what the Council members names are and which one they should fight), when ]Suddenly, everything stops, and everything, except the PPGs, are somehow, inverted. A man appears, somewhat trendy in a business coat, only one problem, he has no visible face. The PPGs, unable to move, can do nothing as the stranger walks up to them, looks them in the face, and laughs. Buttercup growls, Bubbles cries, and Blossom scowls. The stranger takes a step back, straightens his tie, and disappears. Suddenly, the entire world around the PPGs seems to stretch, pull, and disappear. The PPGs are stuck in a purgative state as another world forms around them, one molecule at a time. They have entered an entire new universe. Blossom immediately notices the sudden change in scenery. The factories that once stood triumphantly are now rubble on the ground. She hears a scream, which apparently originated form Bubbles. A second later, Blossom sees the reason of the cry. Three heads, one with red hair, one with blonde hair, one with black hair, on what appears to be pikes, each with a sign under them. The signs have blood-written letters which say "These opposed the rule of the Drak-nala-tha" They have entered the dominion of the Draknal.
The brackets indicate it will be rewritten.
Also, the Darkstar member is still being decided. Help me decide!
Last edited by CarrionMan on Thu Aug 10, 2006 1:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Darkness_calls » Sun Apr 16, 2006 7:43 pm

I'm sorry that I can't help you decide.
But it's a great start (I like the impaled scene) and will be looking forward to the next update.
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Postby CarrionMan » Sun Apr 16, 2006 8:43 pm

Due to the issue that I don't like to write dialogue, I'm writing it play style for now.


Megaville, Industrial District 18:00 hours:
A quiet evening settles across the factories. Such peace can't stay in Megaville, as in the morning, the workers will begin the loud machines and the day will start. But today's peace will end early.
Bubbles flies through a wall, smoldering from a laser blast. Samantha throws out a slightly maniacal cackle. Her machine is working fast, efficiently, and perfectly. No Buttercup, no Blossom, and no fight. She continues to laugh, when suddenly, out of nowhere, Blossom kicks her in the face, blood and tooth flying out onto the dark, cold pavement. Buttercup is helping Bubbles out when Samantha's machine counterattacks with a devastating beam of pure helium plasma. The green tinted beam burns a lock of Buttercup's hair. The smell of burned flesh and ozone fills the air. Buttercup looks down to see her sister's leg burned and twisted, directly hit with the splash of plasma.
Suddenly, everything stops, and everything, except the Power Puff Girls, are somehow, inverted. A man appears, somewhat trendy in a business coat, with only one problem, he has no visible face. The Power Puff Girls, unable to move, can do nothing as the stranger walks up to them, looks them in the face, and guffaws. Buttercup growls, Bubbles cries, and Blossom scowls. The stranger takes a step back, straightens his tie, and disappears.
Suddenly, the entire world around the Power Puff Girls seems to stretch, pull, and disappear. The Power Puff Girls are stuck in a purgative state as another world forms around them, one molecule at a time. They have entered an entire new universe.
Blossom immediately notices the sudden change in scenery. The factories that once stood triumphantly are now rubble on the ground. She hears a scream, which apparently originated from Bubbles. A second later, Blossom sees the reason of the cry. Three heads, one with red hair, one with blonde hair, one with black hair, on what appears to be pikes, each with a sign under them. The signs have blood-written letters which say "These opposed the rule of the Drak-nala-tha" They have entered the dominion of the Draknal.
The laugh of the man echos in their heads, deep and maniacal.
Bubbles: Whe- where are w- we?
Blossom: I don't know…
Buttercup: Hey, Bubbles, check your leg!
Blossom: Don't scare he– whoa!
Slowly, Bubbles peers at her leg.
Bubbles: Whoa!
The once twisted, deformed monstrosity of flesh is now the soft, clean twig it once was. Her leg was healed.
Blossom: K, first we meet that one guy, then we find our own heads on pikes, and, now, Bubble's leg is mysteriously healed. Can we say we are not home?
A man, more so teenager with a flash light walks up, looks at the girls and says
???: Wha- who are you?! No, you died, I held your hand…
Buttercup: Hey, who are you, and how do you know us?
Blossom [simultaneously]: That would explain our heads… Tell us, where are we?
???: To answer your first question, Buttercup, I'm Nicholai. Why, you out of all people, don't remember me? To answer your second question, I'm Nicholai. And to answer your third question, you are in the Work Section of the City of Draknal, or, more commonly known, the Slaughterhouse.
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Postby Dark Dragon » Mon Apr 17, 2006 7:31 pm

Nice job!

Although I think the reason why Samantha is fighting the PPG should be explained, as well as how they are warped through time.

Otherwise good job!

Also I understand it is still a work in progress, so if what I mentioned isn't added in the begining it should be explained later.
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Postby Shadowed State of Mind » Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:12 pm

Er...you might want to put a space between lines. Makes it much easier to read.
The Life and Times of Shad Staydamind PPG fic; finished. part 1/3
Dual Minds Think Alike PPGD fic, part 2/3; finished (trilogy is on an indefinite hiatus)
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Re: CarrionMan's PPGD FanFic

Postby CarrionMan » Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:15 pm

Do we really need a reason for Samantha trying to kill them?

This just so happens to be in the future, so that it may fit my character, Nicholai Khrushchevek.
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Re: CarrionMan's PPGD FanFic

Postby Dark Dragon » Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:18 pm

Shadowed State of Mind wrote:Er...you might want to put a space between lines. Makes it much easier to read.

Oh yeah!

I forgot to mention that too.

Spaces make it much easier on the eyes.

Added after 2 minutes:

CarrionMan wrote:Do we really need a reason for Samantha trying to kill them?

This just so happens to be in the future, so that it may fit my character, Nicholai Khrushchevek.

No we don't, but we need to know how they got where they are or at least what they were doing before Samantha attacks them.

Here's an idea the PPG are doing something then suddenly Samantha attacks seeking revenge on them.
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Re: CarrionMan's PPGD FanFic

Postby CarrionMan » Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:49 pm

Megaville, Industrial District 18:00 hours:

A quiet evening settles across the factories. Such peace can't stay in Megaville, as in the morning, the workers will begin the loud machines and the day will start. But today's peace will end early.

Bubbles flies through a wall, smoldering from a laser blast. Samantha throws out a slightly maniacal cackle. Her machine is working fast, efficiently, and perfectly. No Buttercup, no Blossom, and no fight. She continues to laugh, when suddenly, out of nowhere, Blossom kicks her in the face, blood and tooth flying out onto the dark, cold pavement. Buttercup is helping Bubbles out when Samantha's machine counterattacks with a devastating beam of pure helium plasma. The green tinted beam burns a lock of Buttercup's hair. The smell of burned flesh and ozone fills the air. Buttercup looks down to see her sister's leg burned and twisted, directly hit with the splash of plasma.

Suddenly, everything stops, and everything, except the Power Puff Girls, are somehow, inverted. A man appears, somewhat trendy in a business coat, with only one problem, he has no visible face. The Power Puff Girls, unable to move, can do nothing as the stranger walks up to them, looks them in the face, and guffaws. Buttercup growls, Bubbles cries, and Blossom scowls. The stranger takes a step back, straightens his tie, and disappears.

Suddenly, the entire world around the Power Puff Girls seems to stretch, pull, and disappear. The Power Puff Girls are stuck in a purgative state as another world forms around them, one molecule at a time. They have entered an entire new universe.

Blossom immediately notices the sudden change in scenery. The factories that once stood triumphantly are now rubble on the ground. She hears a scream, which apparently originated from Bubbles. A second later, Blossom sees the reason of the cry. Three heads, one with red hair, one with blonde hair, one with black hair, on what appears to be pikes, each with a sign under them. The signs have blood-written letters which say "These opposed the rule of the Drak'nala'tha" They have entered the dominion of the Draknal.
The laugh of the man echos in their heads, deep and maniacal.
Bubbles: Whe- where are w- we?
Blossom: I don't know…
Buttercup: Hey, Bubbles, check your leg!
Blossom: Don't scare he– whoa!
Slowly, Bubbles peers at her leg.
Bubbles: Whoa!
The once twisted, deformed monstrosity of flesh is now the soft, clean twig it once was. Her leg was healed.
Blossom: K, first we meet that one guy, then we find our own heads on pikes, and, now, Bubble's leg is mysteriously healed. Can we say we are not home?
A man, more so teenager with a flash light walks up, looks at the girls and says
???: Wha- who are you?! No, you died, I held your hand…
Buttercup: Hey, who are you, and how do you know us?
Blossom [simultaneously]: That would explain our heads… Tell us, where are we?
???: To answer your first question, Buttercup, I'm Nicholai. Why, you out of all people, don't remember me? To answer your second question, I'm Nicholai. And to answer your third question, you are in the Work Section of the City of Draknal, or, more commonly known, the Slaughterhouse.

The girls follow this man for a while, asking him repeating questions, which he always answers with the same answer he gave before. Finally, Blossom asks a question which Nicholai answers fully.
Blossom: Who are you? What is your full name, maybe we know you by a nickname.
Nicholai: Well, Buttercup has been known to call me some pretty… erotic names from time to time. My full name is Nicholai Mikhail Khrushchevek X, ID Number 55623-78231-11770. I currently work in the Commercial Section, a historian, specifically the Chief Director of the Rebellion Conflict, only chosen because of my close relationship to the leaders, you. Or, more so, former leaders. You were lucky to have death so soon. I don't know where Dexter is, Jack's still being tortured, and Bell, well, you don't want to know.
Just about at that time, they pass a naked person, hung by the feet, backwards, shaven clean, and scarred.
Nicholai: Well, there's Bell. Arrested for treason against the Drak'nala'tha. Robbery, murder, et-cetera, et-cetera. Punishment? Two units of torture, then hung naked, in public. Almost everyone works in the Naelek. So they hang her right in front of the main entrance, not to mention the only entrance. Beautiful.
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Postby Darkness_calls » Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:51 pm

Im liking what you've started here with. Hope you'll update soon.
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Re: CarrionMan's PPGD FanFic

Postby CarrionMan » Mon Apr 17, 2006 10:23 pm

Come on, I just updated.

Megaville, Industrial District 18:00 hours:

A quiet evening settles across the factories. Such peace can't stay in Megaville, as in the morning, the workers will begin the loud machines and the day will start. But today's peace will end early.

Bubbles flies through a wall, smoldering from a laser blast. Samantha throws out a slightly maniacal cackle. Her machine is working fast, efficiently, and perfectly. No Buttercup, no Blossom, and no fight. She continues to laugh, when suddenly, out of nowhere, Blossom kicks her in the face, blood and tooth flying out onto the dark, cold pavement. Buttercup is helping Bubbles out when Samantha's machine counterattacks with a devastating beam of pure helium plasma. The green tinted beam burns a lock of Buttercup's hair. The smell of burned flesh and ozone fills the air. Buttercup looks down to see her sister's leg burned and twisted, directly hit with the splash of plasma.

Suddenly, everything stops, and everything, except the Power Puff Girls, are somehow, inverted. A man appears, somewhat trendy in a business coat, with only one problem, he has no visible face. The Power Puff Girls, unable to move, can do nothing as the stranger walks up to them, looks them in the face, and guffaws. Buttercup growls, Bubbles cries, and Blossom scowls. The stranger takes a step back, straightens his tie, and disappears.

Suddenly, the entire world around the Power Puff Girls seems to stretch, pull, and disappear. The Power Puff Girls are stuck in a purgative state as another world forms around them, one molecule at a time. They have entered an entire new universe.

Blossom immediately notices the sudden change in scenery. The factories that once stood triumphantly are now rubble on the ground. She hears a scream, which apparently originated from Bubbles. A second later, Blossom sees the reason of the cry. Three heads, one with red hair, one with blonde hair, one with black hair, on what appears to be pikes, each with a sign under them. The signs have blood-written letters which say "These opposed the rule of the Drak'nala'tha" They have entered the dominion of the Draknal.
The laugh of the man echos in their heads, deep and maniacal.
Bubbles: Whe- where are w- we?
Blossom: I don't know…
Buttercup: Hey, Bubbles, check your leg!
Blossom: Don't scare he– whoa!
Slowly, Bubbles peers at her leg.
Bubbles: Whoa!
The once twisted, deformed monstrosity of flesh is now the soft, clean twig it once was. Her leg was healed.
Blossom: K, first we meet that one guy, then we find our own heads on pikes, and, now, Bubble's leg is mysteriously healed. Can we say we are not home?
A man, more so teenager with a flash light walks up, looks at the girls and says
???: Wha- who are you?! No, you died, I held your hand…
Buttercup: Hey, who are you, and how do you know us?
Blossom [simultaneously]: That would explain our heads… Tell us, where are we?
???: To answer your first question, Buttercup, I'm Nicholai. Why, you out of all people, don't remember me? To answer your second question, I'm Nicholai. And to answer your third question, you are in the Work Section of the City of Draknal, or, more commonly known, the Slaughterhouse.

The girls follow this man for a while, asking him repeating questions, which he always answers with the same answer he gave before. Finally, Blossom asks a question which Nicholai answers fully.
Blossom: Who are you? What is your full name, maybe we know you by a nickname.
Nicholai: Well, Buttercup has been known to call me some pretty… erotic names from time to time. My full name is Nicholai Mikhail Khrushchevek X, ID Number 55623-78231-11770. I currently work in the Commercial Section, a historian, specifically the Chief Director of the Rebellion Conflict, only chosen because of my close relationship to the leaders, you. Or, more so, former leaders. You were lucky to have death so soon. I don't know where Dexter is, Jack's still being tortured, and Bell, well, you don't want to know.
Just as they are passing a large building that has many spires, they pass a naked woman, hung by the feet, backwards, shaven clean, and scarred.
Nicholai: Well, there's Bell. Arrested for treason against the Drak'nala'tha. Robbery, murder, et-cetera, et-cetera. Punishment? Two units of torture, then hung naked, in public. Almost everyone works in the Naelek. So they hang her right in front of the main entrance, not to mention the only entrance. Beautiful.

Buttercup: Ey, I remember you mentioning that it was weird that I didn't
remember you. You also said that I called you erotic names. What the hell does that mean, pervert?
Nicholai: You really don't remember, do you sweetie?
Buttercup: Ey, shut the @#$% up.
Nicholai: … I liked you before you died.

After a few minutes after walking past the Naelek, they arrived at a wall.
Buttercup: You led us all that way to… to a WALL?!
Nicholai sighs.
Nicholai: You need to shut up. Man, you really changed.
Nicholai sighs again. He walks up to the wall and whispers
Nicholai: Ketil, you there?
???: Yea, yea, wait a second.
Slowly, and quietly the wall creeps back to some unknown hole.
Nicholai: Well, girls, welcome home.
Last edited by CarrionMan on Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: CarrionMan's PPGD FanFic

Postby Erix » Mon Apr 17, 2006 10:43 pm

lol this fic proves we all love buttercup the most.
So gonna make her ketil's when I get around to making my own (crappy) comic.
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Postby CarrionMan » Tue Apr 18, 2006 9:35 pm

I do believe this is the end of chapter one. Chapter two will be much more action packed. Violence, sex, drugs! It will all, except maybe sex and drugs, will be in there! Chapter one might be extended.

Added after 3 hours 47 minutes:

I do believe this is the end of chapter one. Chapter two will be much more action packed. Violence, sex, drugs! It will all, except maybe sex and drugs, will be in there! Chapter one might be extended.


PREVIEW OF CHAPTER 2

Suddenly, a blinding light. Nicholai stands.
Nicholai: Why am I here?
???(A British voice, see Chairman from V for Vendetta): You know very well why you are here, Nicholai Khrushchevek, ID number 55623-78231-11770.
???(A deeper voice, too deep to be human): Treason against the Drak'Nala'Tha.
???(A scratchy male voice, sounds like he's losing he's voice): You are a nuisance. Sentence?
???(British): Not yet, we need to hold trial.
Ketil(radio): Girls? Nicholai… he's… captured. He's under the trial of the Draknal.
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Postby Skorri Siggeir » Tue Apr 18, 2006 11:18 pm

AWWWW.

No more naked bells.

Its okay..

For a Fanfic.
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Postby Erix » Wed Apr 19, 2006 12:29 am

Skorri Siggeir wrote:AWWWW.

No more naked bells.

Its okay..

For a Fanfic.


OK?!
Its got alternate dimension ketil in it. Granted its no regular ketil, but still a ketil damnit, and that makes it rock!
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Postby CarrionMan » Wed Apr 19, 2006 6:34 pm

Skorri is going to kill me when I update it.

Nicholai walks around, pointing and naming things.
Nicholai: This is the computer. And this is Ketil.
Ketil: Hey, thought you were dead.
For some unknown reason, Blossom blushes at these words.
Ketil: Well, girls, from what I've heard, you're clueless. For now, I will give you a summary. In about 2006 A.D, three single meteors broke the atmosphere. These three meteors contain only three samples of DNA, and three half mechanical bodies. Scientists immediately started working on these organisms, fusing the DNA to the bodies. Once the 23 chromosome was fused, the bodies suddenly moved, killing three minor scientists and the director, Dr. Jonathan Brisbaine. The surviving person was Dr. George Staln. These beings proclaimed themselves as the Draknal. They said they were the hierarchs of their race, the Drak'Nala'Tha. They recorded this on the only surviving security camera, then immediately slit Staln's throat, drank his blood, and skinned his body, all except for his head, which they put in a… how can I describe it… jar. It glowed a slightly bluish grey. They immediately killed our president. They continued the onslaught until they conquered the entire America continent. Eurasia and Africa were baffled. They lost all contact with America so quickly and so drastically, they didn't even know the situation.Every single aircraft, boat, or any other vehicle they sent was immediately lost. Unknown to them, the Draknal had a way to make humans, dogs, or any living thing for that matter, a monster, a "Hunter", the ultimate warrior. The immediately got anyone who was sick, old, or annoying, and put them through the process of the Naelek, the large building which Bell is hung in front of. You see, the Naelek is like a factory, humans go in, other things go out. The true name of the building itself is the Nae'fea'xen'kui'lek. We call it the Naelek because it is easier to say, and that is the name of the process, which doesn't really require the Nae'fea'xen'kui'lek. They attacked Eurasia, then Africa. After that, they simply blew up the rest of the world. A napalm-like substance showered the polynesias, engulfed Australia, and melted Antarctica. Dealing with that, they immediately destroyed what they didn't like, and ruled firmly. That is, until Professor Utonium had a plan…

Brain fixed.
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Postby ~gaara's little angel~ » Sat Apr 22, 2006 11:35 pm

wow carrion.....that was interesting...very wierd yet cool XD hahaha i like it *thumbs up*
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Re: CarrionMan's PPGD FanFic

Postby CarrionMan » Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:33 am

Nicholai walks around, pointing and naming things.
Nicholai: This is the computer. And this is Ketil.
Ketil: Hey, thought you were dead.
For some unknown reason, Blossom blushes at these words.
Ketil: Well, girls, from what I've heard, you're clueless. For now, I will give you a summary. In about 2006 A.D, three single meteors broke the atmosphere. These three meteors contain only three samples of DNA, and three half mechanical bodies. Scientists immediately started working on these organisms, fusing the DNA to the bodies. Once the 23 chromosome was fused, the bodies suddenly moved, killing three minor scientists and the director, Dr. Jonathan Brisbaine. The surviving person was Dr. George Staln. These beings proclaimed themselves as the Draknal. They said they were the hierarchs of their race, the Drak'Nala'Tha. They recorded this on the only surviving security camera, then immediately slit Staln's throat, drank his blood, and skinned his body, all except for his head, which they put in a… how can I describe it… jar. It glowed a slightly bluish grey. They immediately killed our president. They continued the onslaught until they conquered the entire America continent. Eurasia and Africa were baffled. They lost all contact with America so quickly and so drastically, they didn't even know the situation. Every single aircraft, boat, or any other vehicle they sent was immediately lost. Unknown to them, the Draknal had a way to make humans, dogs, or any living thing for that matter, a monster, a "Hunter", the ultimate warrior. The immediately got thing who was sick, old, or annoying, and put them through the process of the Naelek, the large building which Bell is hung in front of. You see, the Naelek is like a factory, humans go in, other things go out. The true name of the building itself is the Nae'fea'xen'kui'lek. We call it the Naelek because it is easier to say, and that is the name of the process, which doesn't really require the Nae'fea'xen'kui'lek. They attacked Eurasia, then Africa. After that, they simply blew up the rest of the world. A napalm-like substance showered the Polynesians, engulfed Australia, and melted Antarctica. Dealing with that, they immediately destroyed what they didn't like, and ruled firmly. That is, until Professor Utonium had a plan…

Professor Utonium was a desperate man. His life was going down the drain. He was moved from level 30 of the Naelek of the Commercial zone to level 3 of the Naelek in the "Slaughterhouse". He was getting involved with the Drak'Nala'Tha drug, the cannabis "Hunter". When the cannabis plant goes through the Naelek process, an unusual mutation occurs. The plant becomes twice as potent, liquifies and produces the bacteria vi-brio, the same bacteria that makes fugu poisonous. He looked terrible. Coffee stains, urine marks, semen residue, and dirt covered the suit he wore to work. He stole stuff, he even attempted rape to a woman. Until, after a nearly fatal overdose of cannabis "Hunter". While in the horrible torture of rehabilitation, he realized, he'd need a protector. Someone who understood the bad side of sex. The perfect girl…
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Postby Darkness_calls » Sun Apr 23, 2006 6:38 am

Hahaha ... Nice describtion of Professor's life lol
Love your fanfic.
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Re: CarrionMan's PPGD FanFic

Postby CarrionMan » Sun Apr 23, 2006 10:05 am

God dang, I hate that signature!

Nicholai walks around, pointing and naming things.
Nicholai: This is the computer. And this is Ketil.
Ketil: Hey, thought you were dead.
For some unknown reason, Blossom blushes at these words.
Ketil: Well, girls, from what I've heard, you're clueless. For now, I will give you a summary. In about 2006 A.D, three single meteors broke the atmosphere. These three meteors contain only three samples of DNA, and three half mechanical bodies. Scientists immediately started working on these organisms, fusing the DNA to the bodies. Once the 23 chromosome was fused, the bodies suddenly moved, killing three minor scientists and the director, Dr. Jonathan Brisbaine. The surviving person was Dr. George Staln. These beings proclaimed themselves as the Draknal. They said they were the hierarchs of their race, the Drak'Nala'Tha. They recorded this on the only surviving security camera, then immediately slit Staln's throat, drank his blood, and skinned his body, all except for his head, which they put in a… how can I describe it… jar. It glowed a slightly bluish grey. They immediately killed our president. They continued the onslaught until they conquered the entire America continent. Eurasia and Africa were baffled. They lost all contact with America so quickly and so drastically, they didn't even know the situation. Every single aircraft, boat, or any other vehicle they sent was immediately lost. Unknown to them, the Draknal had a way to make humans, dogs, or any living thing for that matter, a monster, a "Hunter", the ultimate warrior. The immediately got thing who was sick, old, or annoying, and put them through the process of the Naelek, the large building which Bell is hung in front of. You see, the Naelek is like a factory, humans go in, other things go out. The true name of the building itself is the Nae'fea'xen'kui'lek. We call it the Naelek because it is easier to say, and that is the name of the process, which doesn't really require the Nae'fea'xen'kui'lek. They attacked Eurasia, then Africa. After that, they simply blew up the rest of the world. A napalm-like substance showered the Polynesians, engulfed Australia, and melted Antarctica. Dealing with that, they immediately destroyed what they didn't like, and ruled firmly. That is, until Professor Utonium had a plan…

Professor Utonium was a desperate man. His life was going down the drain. He was moved from level 30 of the Naelek of the Commercial zone to level 3 of the Naelek in the "Slaughterhouse". He was getting involved with the Drak'Nala'Tha drug, the cannabis "Hunter". When the cannabis plant goes through the Naelek process, an unusual mutation occurs. The plant becomes twice as potent, liquifies and produces the bacteria vi-brio, the same bacteria that makes fugu poisonous. He looked terrible. Coffee stains, urine marks, semen residue, and dirt covered the suit he wore to work. He stole stuff, he even attempted rape to a woman. Until, after a nearly fatal overdose of cannabis "Hunter". While in the horrible torture of rehabilitation, he realized, he'd need a protector. Someone who understood the bad side of sex. The perfect girl…

He started by finishing the rehabilitation. Next, he researched the things for a girl. For some reason, he decided to refer to an old poem. "Sugar, spice and everything nice. That's what's girls are made of." He bought cane sugar, the rare cinnamon "Hunter", and, since he didn't know what was nice, he couldn't think of anything. He asked everyone what was nice, and the only thing he ever heard good was a pregnant woman. She simply said "Freedom." Freedom…
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Postby CarrionMan » Mon Apr 24, 2006 5:35 pm

I wrote more, but the site went down, and now it is gone.
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Postby Serafina » Mon Apr 24, 2006 6:46 pm

Veeeeery interesting. I will be reading this.
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Re: CarrionMan's PPGD FanFic

Postby CarrionMan » Tue Apr 25, 2006 7:37 pm

Nicholai: This is the computer. And this is Ketil.
Ketil: Hey, thought you were dead.
For some unknown reason, Blossom blushes at these words.
Ketil: Well, girls, from what I've heard, you're clueless. For now, I will give you a summary. In about 2006 A.D, three single meteors broke the atmosphere. These three meteors contain only three samples of DNA, and three half mechanical bodies. Scientists immediately started working on these organisms, fusing the DNA to the bodies. Once the 23 chromosome was fused, the bodies suddenly moved, killing three minor scientists and the director, Dr. Jonathan Brisbaine. The surviving person was Dr. George Staln. These beings proclaimed themselves as the Draknal. They said they were the hierarchs of their race, the Drak'Nala'Tha. They recorded this on the only surviving security camera, then immediately slit Staln's throat, drank his blood, and skinned his body, all except for his head, which they put in a… how can I describe it… jar. It glowed a slightly bluish grey. They immediately killed our president. They continued the onslaught until they conquered the entire America continent. Eurasia and Africa were baffled. They lost all contact with America so quickly and so drastically, they didn't even know the situation. Every single aircraft, boat, or any other vehicle they sent was immediately lost. Unknown to them, the Draknal had a way to make humans, dogs, or any living thing for that matter, a monster, a "Hunter", the ultimate warrior. The immediately got thing who was sick, old, or annoying, and put them through the process of the Naelek, the large building which Bell is hung in front of. You see, the Naelek is like a factory, humans go in, other things go out. The true name of the building itself is the Nae'fea'xen'kui'lek. We call it the Naelek because it is easier to say, and that is the name of the process, which doesn't really require the Nae'fea'xen'kui'lek. They attacked Eurasia, then Africa. After that, they simply blew up the rest of the world. A napalm-like substance showered the Polynesians, engulfed Australia, and melted Antarctica. Dealing with that, they immediately destroyed what they didn't like, and ruled firmly. That is, until Professor Utonium had a plan…

Professor Utonium was a desperate man. His life was going down the drain. He was moved from level 30 of the Naelek of the Commercial zone to level 3 of the Naelek in the "Slaughterhouse". He was getting involved with the Drak'Nala'Tha drug, the cannabis "Hunter". When the cannabis plant goes through the Naelek process, an unusual mutation occurs. The plant becomes twice as potent, liquifies and produces the bacteria vi-brio, the same bacteria that makes fugu poisonous. He looked terrible. Coffee stains, urine marks, semen residue, and dirt covered the suit he wore to work. He stole stuff, he even attempted rape to a woman. Until, after a nearly fatal overdose of cannabis "Hunter". While in the horrible torture of rehabilitation, he realized, he'd need a protector. Someone who understood the bad side of sex. The perfect girl…

He started by finishing the rehabilitation. Next, he researched the things for a girl. For some reason, he decided to refer to an old poem. "Sugar, spice and everything nice. That's what's girls are made of." He bought cane sugar, the rare cinnamon "Hunter", and, since he didn't know what was nice, he couldn't think of anything. He asked everyone what was nice, and the only thing he ever heard good was a pregnant woman. She simply said "Freedom." Freedom…

He researched freedom. Finding nothing, he went to the Draknal, after all, they are the smartest things he knows of. They simply said no, and threw him out. But Utonium noticed something. He noticed the worry in the Draknal, Apathy. He was at first paying no attention at all. However, once the word freedom was mentioned, he quickly shut up the Professor. Obviously, this word freedom must've meant something. After all, nothing scares the Draknal. At least, nothing but freedom.

Ketil: Well, you can guess the rest. The next part, well, it's quite personal to Nicholai.

Blossom walks around, moving her head every so often.
Blossom: I hear something. Something moving? No… A ticking. A ticking? AW, SHIT!
BOOM
A younger, happier looking Nicholai runs out.
Nicholai: What the fuck is going on? Where's Dexter? BLOSSOM, LOOK OUT!
Another large explosion. Blossom is knocked to the ground. Nicholai stares at a silhouette. He is shot with a hydrogen plasma beam. The blue hued light rips through his right shoulder. He falls, coughing up blood.
Nicholai: what? No… Damn… You…

IT IS ALMOST DONE!
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Re: CarrionMan's PPGD FanFic

Postby Erix » Tue Apr 25, 2006 10:10 pm

I'll give you the bump. but I dont critique fanfics till they are done so :P
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Re: CarrionMan's PPGD FanFic

Postby CarrionMan » Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:46 pm

Nicholai: This is the computer. And this is Ketil.
Ketil: Hey, thought you were dead.
For some unknown reason, Blossom blushes at these words.
Ketil: Well, girls, from what I've heard, you're clueless. For now, I will give you a summary. In about 2006 A.D, three single meteors broke the atmosphere. These three meteors contain only three samples of DNA, and three half mechanical bodies. Scientists immediately started working on these organisms, fusing the DNA to the bodies. Once the 23 chromosome was fused, the bodies suddenly moved, killing three minor scientists and the director, Dr. Jonathan Brisbaine. The surviving person was Dr. George Staln. These beings proclaimed themselves as the Draknal. They said they were the hierarchs of their race, the Drak'Nala'Tha. They recorded this on the only surviving security camera, then immediately slit Staln's throat, drank his blood, and skinned his body, all except for his head, which they put in a… how can I describe it… jar. It glowed a slightly bluish grey. They immediately killed our president. They continued the onslaught until they conquered the entire America continent. Eurasia and Africa were baffled. They lost all contact with America so quickly and so drastically, they didn't even know the situation. Every single aircraft, boat, or any other vehicle they sent was immediately lost. Unknown to them, the Draknal had a way to make humans, dogs, or any living thing for that matter, a monster, a "Hunter", the ultimate warrior. The immediately got thing who was sick, old, or annoying, and put them through the process of the Naelek, the large building which Bell is hung in front of. You see, the Naelek is like a factory, humans go in, other things go out. The true name of the building itself is the Nae'fea'xen'kui'lek. We call it the Naelek because it is easier to say, and that is the name of the process, which doesn't really require the Nae'fea'xen'kui'lek. They attacked Eurasia, then Africa. After that, they simply blew up the rest of the world. A napalm-like substance showered the Polynesians, engulfed Australia, and melted Antarctica. Dealing with that, they immediately destroyed what they didn't like, and ruled firmly. That is, until Professor Utonium had a plan…

Professor Utonium was a desperate man. His life was going down the drain. He was moved from level 30 of the Naelek of the Commercial zone to level 3 of the Naelek in the "Slaughterhouse". He was getting involved with the Drak'Nala'Tha drug, the cannabis "Hunter". When the cannabis plant goes through the Naelek process, an unusual mutation occurs. The plant becomes twice as potent, liquifies and produces the bacteria vi-brio, the same bacteria that makes fugu poisonous. He looked terrible. Coffee stains, urine marks, semen residue, and dirt covered the suit he wore to work. He stole stuff, he even attempted rape to a woman. Until, after a nearly fatal overdose of cannabis "Hunter". While in the horrible torture of rehabilitation, he realized, he'd need a protector. Someone who understood the bad side of sex. The perfect girl…

He started by finishing the rehabilitation. Next, he researched the things for a girl. For some reason, he decided to refer to an old poem. "Sugar, spice and everything nice. That's what's girls are made of." He bought cane sugar, the rare cinnamon "Hunter", and, since he didn't know what was nice, he couldn't think of anything. He asked everyone what was nice, and the only thing he ever heard good was a pregnant woman. She simply said "Freedom." Freedom…

He researched freedom. Finding nothing, he went to the Draknal, after all, they are the smartest things he knows of. They simply said no, and threw him out. But Utonium noticed something. He noticed the worry in the Draknal, Apathy. He was at first paying no attention at all. However, once the word freedom was mentioned, he quickly shut up the Professor. Obviously, this word freedom must've meant something. After all, nothing scares the Draknal. At least, nothing but freedom.

Ketil: Well, you can guess the rest. The next part, well, it's quite personal to Nicholai.

Blossom walks around, moving her head every so often.
Blossom: I hear something. Something moving? No… A ticking. A ticking? AW, SHIT!
BOOM
A younger, happier looking Nicholai runs out.
Nicholai: What the fuck is going on? Where's Dexter? BLOSSOM, LOOK OUT!
Another large explosion. Blossom is knocked to the ground. Nicholai stares at a silhouette. He is shot with a hydrogen plasma beam. The blue hued light rips through his right shoulder. He falls, coughing up blood.
Nicholai: what? No… Damn… You…

Nicholai wakes up in complete darkness. It is cold, dark, and quiet. He is laying down, still bleeding. Suddenly, a blinding light. Nicholai stands.
Nicholai: Why am I here?
???(A British voice, see Chairman from V for Vendetta): You know very well why you are here, Nicholai Khrushchevek, ID number 55623-78231-11770.
???(A deeper voice, too deep to be human): Treason against the Drak'Nala'Tha.
???(A scratchy male voice, sounds like he's losing he's voice): You are a nuisance. Sentence?
???(British): Not yet, we need to hold trial.
Ketil(radio): Girls? Nicholai… he's… captured. He's under the trial of the Draknal.

Nicholai paces, the Draknal still watching him.
Nicholai: So, Apathy, you think I'll give up, ey?
Apathy (the British one): No, I expect you to die in a blaze of glory, with my army of Hunters, Protectors, and Betrayers piling at your bleeding feet. I expect you to somehow try to hurt us. I EXPECT YOU TO DO SOMETHING STUPID! YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHY YOU ARE HERE! AND I WILL LET YOU FREE–
Remorse (the deep voice):WHAT?! RELEASE THE LEADER OF THE REVOLUTIONARY?! ARE YOU MA-
Apathy: Remorse, do not make me hurt you. As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I will release you on one condition, one answer will be needed.
Nicholai says sarcastically: What is it, what's your underwear color?
Apathy: No, I would like to know one thing. And only one thing. This thing is one of the most desired things by the Draknal. I would like to know the position of the Power Puff girls!
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Postby CarrionMan » Wed May 03, 2006 8:08 pm

BUMP
Sorry, haven't been in my right mind.
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