*{New Poem}* Tuor: Lit Bits; PG 13; Orig.

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Postby Tuor » Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:22 pm

Just something I typed up spur of the moment

So beautiful this girl of mine
Everyday without her is like a day in darkness
She's my sunshine
She's my star shining bright
She's my moon every night
So Beautiful this girl of mine
She's my drug
She's my heart
She's my world
She's my girl
So Beautiful this girl of mine
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Postby Bk-o » Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:38 pm

Hmm, nice. I'm guessing you're happy your girl is back?
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Postby Tuor » Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:07 am

Yes, quite!

That and the fact I usually only see her once, maybe twice a week.
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Postby Bk-o » Wed Dec 05, 2007 8:11 pm

Ah, well, hope you get to see more of her.
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Postby Tuor » Wed Dec 05, 2007 8:20 pm

I'll be seeing her tomorrow! :)
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Postby Tuor » Sun Jan 20, 2008 11:25 pm

A writer's block
the worst of luck
has befallen me
the clock tick tocks
no words no verse
have ocurred to me.
Oh look a rock
a poem 'bout that
but lo! no words still.
A writers block
the worst of luck
has befallen me.
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Postby Bk-o » Sun Jan 20, 2008 11:28 pm

Haha... :P
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Postby Tuor » Wed Jan 23, 2008 3:26 am

You glistened like a ray of sun unveiled.
Cherry blossoms on your lips that night
Calling. Through the gloom you danced, and sailed.
Glorious, far beyond my reach, my plight
Unknown to thee. My heart a songbird jailed,
Longs to break on through and take to flight.
Too meek is it, a valiant try hath fail’d.
Through the gloom it shall not reach the light tonight.

But Lo! The ray doth come this way. To free
This winged heart of mine, to soar once more.
It flies and flutters, circling ‘round to thee.
Farewell to cages thou doth be a bore.
For there is no place I’d rather to be
Than flying free with thee forever more.


Feel free to critique. In fact please do.
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Tuor's Literature [G-PG13] [Original] [SONNET FOR CRITIQ

Postby Elend-X » Wed Jan 23, 2008 8:06 am

Intriguing, and wonderfully phrased. Good job with the rhyme, I never did well with rhymes. I see you choose words that imply imprisonment in the beginning before you express the freedom more freely. You use birds and not something else, in my opinion that is quite common and might imply that this imprisonment is usual, not only to the poetic voice but to everyone.

What I would like you to answer is the last line in the first stanza, what shall not reach the light? The person, or bird that is imprisoned? The Try (Although in my opinion that is unlikely)? Or did you mean something else,
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Postby Bk-o » Wed Jan 23, 2008 2:40 pm

Do you feel trapped, Tour?... Heh, jk. :P

I found it very poetic and smooth.

Little confused about the ending of the first stanza. And I think ending the poem with a rhyming couplet might have ended it on a more rhythmic tone, but that's just me.
It seems that you fused the Italian and English sonnets together, and then made your own type.

Very nice, though.
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Postby Tuor » Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:58 am

Horatio

I have no wife to worry for me
I have no son to carry on my name
And I have no friend to support or comfort me
I betrayed my loyalty long ago
For he gave his life as I should have given mine
But I was weak and stayed behind
And now my hair grays
All strength does drain from my arms
My fire in my eyes extinguish
I forsook a death in battle, for what?
So I may whither and die like a fallen oak
Devoid of glory and significance
Alone in the skirts of Denmark
Winters cold bite gnawing at my soul
My poor unworthy soul
Grey as the skies pallor hue
Withered as the last leaf
O! Shimmering sword!
I cannot live with the shame any longer!
Pierce my breast, let free my soul
Seek out Hamlet, where’re he may be
Or haunt this land eternally.
Last edited by Tuor on Sun Jun 22, 2008 3:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Postby Bk-o » Sat Jun 21, 2008 1:28 pm

Ooh. Turo updated... hmm nice. Is it a reference to a piece of literature? I think I see a few spellings errors... I'm not sure. Like "no" instead of "now" and "gnawing" instead of "knowing"...? I could be wrong.
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Postby Tuor » Sun Jun 22, 2008 3:39 pm

Ah, ya thanks, it was late when I did that. :P

The Fox

There you be, a fiery red
With quick thoughts, inside your head
The night-bird is thine only peer
In academia no other comes near

And stalks the forest floor unseen
With coat of such a silky sheen
Sets for prey an elaborate trap
To catch them with a sudden snap

For you know the woods the best, of all
The creatures on which God can call
A messenger of the highest degree
Nothing can bring halt to thee

Thine priority cannot be swain
Neither by snow, nor sleet or rain
More able a critter cannot be found
Above, upon or under ground.

So I take the time to sit and think
In my mind I see you wink
As if to say your ways are true
We all should take some heed of you
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Postby Bk-o » Sun Jun 22, 2008 8:43 pm

Mmm, love the figurative language descriptiveness and the heroic couplet.

It's also interesting because fox's are often seen in a negative regard as dangerous, game prey, or even demonic, yet you place it in such divine light.

Heh, I haven't posted anything in a while either.
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Postby Tuor » Tue Aug 19, 2008 11:02 pm

Found a poem I wrote in '05, at the time I thought it was the best thing ever…

Our Love…


Our Love is Forbidden but Strong.
The minute I met you,
I was forbidden to love you,
Our Love is Forbidden but Strong.
Your Smile so bright, your hair so golden
I wanted to love you with all my might,
Our Love is Forbidden but Strong.
We didn't want to love,
But when you looked at me and I looked at you,
We knew that that wasn't true.
Our Love is Forbidden but Strong.
You lingered in my mind,
Penetrated my heart,
I couldn't forget you from the start,
Our Love is Forbidden but Strong.
I helped you be strong,
To stand up for yourself,
And we became friends,
Our Love is Forbidden but Strong.
But we soon became more,
You confided in me,
Your confidante I became,
Our Love is Forbidden but Strong.
But that was not enough, I had to be more,
As I recalled your beauty,
Your hair so flaxen, your eyes so alluring,
Our Love is Forbidden but Strong.
Then one night it happened,
You opened the walls around your soul,
And let me into your world, I was in awe,
Our Love is Forbidden but Strong.
Another night sometime later,
I called myself Romeo and you Julliette,
They became our comparison,
And you wept,
Our Love is Forbidden but Strong.
The next time we spoke we proclaimed our love,
It felt so great I knew it was fate,
Our Love is Forbidden but Strong.

Now, with memory of your sparkling eyes looking at me,
I'm ready for anything the world will throw at me,
I am devoted forever and always,
Our Love is Forbidden but Strong...


Added after 2 minutes:

Music


Music flows through you
music drives you on
music to be happy
music to be strong
music to shed tears
music all day long.

Music lives in you
music picks you up
music to be surly
music to be wrong
music to face fears
music all night long.

Every teen needs music
to keep going on
every teen needs music
it keeps you going strong
Whether the soulful screeching strings of rock
the rambling rhythmic rhymes of rap
or the plentiful palpitating pulses of pop
Music picks you up
Music drives you on.
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Postby Bk-o » Tue Aug 19, 2008 11:06 pm

Reminiscent of a love bygone? Or have you still longed?

Very nice.
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Postby Tuor » Tue Aug 19, 2008 11:07 pm

Love bygone. That poem was written in '05 to my then girlfriend in one sitting after school on Valentine's day.
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Postby Bk-o » Tue Aug 19, 2008 11:31 pm

So, not this "Celine" girl in your MSN name?
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Postby Tuor » Thu Aug 21, 2008 3:01 am

Nope, she be current :)
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Postby Bk-o » Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:41 am

You say that as if you're ready to move on already... >_>
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Postby Tuor » Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:26 pm

How?
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Postby Bk-o » Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:34 pm

Because "current". Geh.... nevermind, I'm being dumb.
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Postby Tuor » Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:28 pm

Speaking of that old girlfriend, poem I wrote after we broke up.

Bleed

Bleed that crimson stuff
the thing of life
pour it out for me
show that you can feel
shed a single drop
to show that it's within
feel the pain that you caused
the tears so undeserved
run the blade
dance on the edge


I was rather distressed.
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Postby Bk-o » Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:31 pm

O_O....


Dude....
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Postby Tuor » Fri Aug 29, 2008 1:36 am

Bored at work, it was overcast and rainy today

Rain

Pit, pat, pit, pat
They come crashing down to earth,
Bombardier pilots
Laughing without mirth.
They cannot steer,
But have no fear,
They find their targets still.
Little suicide pilots,
they never get a kill.
These little devious terrorists
Have an unassuming name,
To most of us
Who see them now
We simply call them
Rain


Summer's Dirge

The sky is dreary,
Overcast and grey.
It must know that Summer
Died again today
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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