Welcome to my writing thread. Some of these pieces are pretty old, but feel free to browse through and comment on any of them. Hopefully a tid bit will catch you fancy.



The Grey Pilgrim

I see a man walking now at the head of a storm.
Clad in grey he rides the surge,
oblivious to the incoming rain.
His face is an hardened mask,
for he is firmly set upon his errand.
A dark staff he grasps in his hand,
a heavy sword hangs from his belt,
he is a fighter, there is no doubt.
Through fresh emerald fields he treads,
his cape swirls out behind.
In the distance a ray of light can be seen,
opposing the incoming storm.
They clash in the emerald fields,
the fate of one side to be decided.
Who the reconciler will be is unsure,
though there is no doubt he will be great.
In the meantime the Grey Pilgrim will wander,
continuing his search for the being that will end the turmoil.

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Well, i'll give you points for posting a lotta things in a mass compact thing but... why don't you share some of yours in other topics like the poetry pub?

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Patt-Ytto Productions | Dickwaffles

I may, eventually.

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I liked the intro. Seemed to do what you wanted it to achieve, had a nice effect.

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Twitter | Transistor Glamor | Tumblr | MAL

very interesting

keep up the good work

intro looks good and the poem is great Tuor

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The Civil Rights Movement

A boy was found dead
one hot August day.
Bloodied and beaten, then shot.
The casket lies open and haunting.
It sparks the need for equality.

Frozen in shock,
it’s gone too far.
Sorrow sang softly and sweet.
Hearts full of sadness and grief.

A woman refuses to move from her seat,
one cold December day.
Arrested and tried for her trouble
but history was made that day.
She led the way to equality.

Frozen in shock,
it’s gone too far.
Sorrow sang softly and sweet.
Hearts full of sadness and grief.

A youth sits unmoving
one cold February day.
Unwelcome, unserved
and then taken away.
He garnered support for equality.

Frozen in shock,
it’s gone too far.
Sorrow sang softly and sweet.
Hearts full of sadness and grief.

A teen walks to school
one brisk September day.
Taunted and jeered she walks on.
Soldiers pave the way to the door
She excercised the rights of equality.

Frozen in shock,
it’s gone too far.
Sorrow sang softly and sweet.
Hearts full of sadness and grief.

An old woman staggers down the street
one warm May day
Bruises and cuts cover her skin.
Police use hoses and clubs.
She stands tall for equality.

Frozen in shock,
it’s gone too far.
Sorrow sang softly and sweet.
Hearts full of sadness and grief.

A child stumbles down a down a dusty road
another hot August day.
Signs dot the crowd
and cheers go up.
He will finally experience equality.

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Great poem Tuor.

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Thank you.

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Dusk

The sun begins to set,
the shadows come out to play.
Dancing, twisting, turning,
celebrating the the bright moons stay.
Silly little shadows,
they have nothing to say.
They whisper to you sweet nothings,
before they dance way.

Moon

Silver bright orb,
cast down your light.
You are the only thing,
that is bright tonight.
The planets are veiled,
no stars are in sight.
So be my beacon,
'till the sun's shining light.

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Glad to see that you begun posting here again! Great poems Tuor! I like the way you talk about the shadow's behaviour giving them a human character and the way you refer to them in a childlike character to show their immaturity that connects them to children. I also like the connection between each line in the second poem! Keep going!

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This sig and avi is a creation of Bankotsu-Obsessed! Spartan team omega for the win!
And here is my story: http://www.snafu-comics.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=12464

I haven't read them before, but now I did read all of them. And here we go:
The first one - I believe that you made it on purpose to put some adjectives accompanying several words throughout the poem, I liked that but it was a bit tiring.
The second one: This I liked a lot. I liked when you repeat the verses and how in every second verse you on the last line you put something to do with equality, that the people stand up to it or they embrace it etc. But in the last line you use future. Equility has been established but the way you put it it is like a question if equality is a good thing after all.
Another thing that I am not sure if you have done it in purpose on the last paragraph you put a female, that puts more stress in the men - women equality thing.
Third Poem: Well here I think that Forse was correct. So nothing more.
Fourth Poem: You give glory to the moon as I noticed, bracing it giving it credit of being unique and irreplacable.

Hope you liked my comments.

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Thanks guys.

In the second poem I actually use a women in threes of the verses and a male in three of the verses. So it's equal.

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The Morning After

The fiery sun rises,
shedding it's light on the battlefield.
The carrion birds screech over the spoils,
feasting themselves.
Splintered shields are scattered amongst the field,
spears stand against the skyline,
like skeletal forrest.
The smell of death fills the air.

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I am not sure if I noticed correctly but I believe you give the carrion birds savage attitude on the body, 'feasting themselves', similar to the savage attitude of people in the battelfield even after the battle is over. Great Poem!

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Hm...By the scattered shields point i see that you are speaking about some sort of a battle that took place. I would compare this with tragic situations, the horrible aftermaths of war or simply some sort of action taking place that you described thru someone's eyes...Of course it could just be a scene after a battle...Am i right? Anyway awesome poem! Keep going!

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This sig and avi is a creation of Bankotsu-Obsessed! Spartan team omega for the win!
And here is my story: http://www.snafu-comics.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=12464

Thanks guys, you're both right. It's nice to have solid fanbase, even if it is of only two people.

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Anglo-Saxon Poem

The spear-storm raged /, sweeping up men
Brave Hygelac stood alone. / That bold King
An island in chaos / Shyflings closed in around.
Valiant Heardred leaped / to his lord
But his shield was / shorn to the grip.
So the Ring-giver fell / furious were the Geats.
But Beowulf kept his head / and brandished his sword
Chopping a battle-path / to the body.
The foe was too many / the Geats took to water
Champion of the Geats / swam home
Hygelac’s son did so too / so the tale was told
The crown was offered / but Beowulf declined
His valiant lord had / left a son
Heardred he was called / and crowned was he in jubilee
Then by the sea-road came / the Swedes from afar
Under guise of friendship / Heardred fell
Beowulf’s wyrd fulfilled/ he took the throne
Settled were the bad / blood feuds of old
He solved the matters of / many a free-man
For he was a just / and full of righteousness
The King was the law-speaker / of the thing
So the Ring-lord did pass / judgment on the Geats
And they saw him to be wise / with a good heart
He was also the Peoples-protector. A Patron of battle
When Geatlands enemies swarmed / great Beowulf was there
Sword in hand with shining mail / made safe the land
Foes did reel before him / his death-dance swift and terrible.
Beowulf brought a time of peace / and prosperity.
That is until a foolish thief / awoke the Fire-wyrm.


Had to write a poem in the Anglo-Saxon style about Beowulf being crowned king and those years between that and him fighting the dragon for my Lit class.

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Damn, that does look a lot like the style they used. It confused me and everything!
But yeah, it's pretty good, and it flows nicely along. Spear-storm, awesome kenning. But what's a death-dance? A duel?...
So what happened with the dragon! Don't leave us in suspense!

Should I post my narrative here for you to read? Because I don't really feel like making my own thread for it because I probably won't update... ever... >_>
Then again not many people do update much...

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Just PM it I s'pose.

Death-dance just represents him whirling through enemies causing death.

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Ahh, hell with it, I'll make my own thread. =D

Whirling - haha, I'm imagining a 30-year-old man in a ballerina costume spinning with a sword in his hand... wow...

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I can't believe how much time it's been since I last came in the Lit forum xD Anyway to the poem.... >.>
The style indeed remind the aglo-saxon poetry or any of the poetry of the old. Perhaps it's the way that you speak with metaphorical and rich adjectives for a simple word.
But I have questions, since I am not that familiar with the story of Beowulf, with ring-giver and ring-lord you mean what? (because it reminded me of LotR SO much!) Also I just saw that there are some things that can be associated with the LotR (or the Hobbit more like it). It has similar moments perhaps

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Tolkien was a Anglo-Saxon scholar and Beowulf expert so he borrowed the dragon thing most likely.

A rings were signs of wealth and prestige in Anglo-Saxon culture, thus a ring-lord would be powerful as he had many, by the same token a ring-giver would be a lord that was so powerful he could afford to give rings to his most loyal men.

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You could just say king.

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It wouldn't be that nice if he did

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