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Sun Jun 11, 2006 10:37 am
Hey I'm new in this place and this is my opening to my first attempt to create a story like this. All help is welcomed.
A tall, blackhaired fifteen year-old boy appeared from the darkness of the now abandoned alley. His black eyes were full of darness and death. His purplestriped black shirt and trousers were covered in dried blood.
"Well, he wasn't here." he said "the hunt continues, off to the next dimension, the next country, the next city, Megaville!" With that he streched his arm. Right then in frond of him a green portal appeared and he swiftly entered it leaving behind him a now dead world and thousants of corpses. Who was he?
Countless years ago in a mystic place a creature of great power, Origin, gave all of his power to create unimaginable creatures of vast force and he and called them Masters. But Origin gave a larger part of his power in to three master lords, Forse the deathmaster, Sparks the life master and Spirit the soulmaster. After hundreds of years in the mystical realm of Origin, the masters managed to escape. Through a dimensional gate they journeyed, finally reaching our land. For a millennia this creatures corrupted our land, killing, pillaging and destroying anything in their path. Then a council was held in order to find a way to get rid of the Masters once and for all. So the people using all of the power they had they managed to capture the three mighty master lords. Using the force of these massive beasts they destroyed the weaker masters and in slaved the most powerful ones that were past to the hand of the great leaders of the land. But some masters were too strong to be controlled so the were locked with the hope that their rightful heir would never come to claim them.
That was Victor Master the heir death now Forse the death master the deadlier of the three master lords and he was hungry, hungry for death and revenge. And his next stop in his trail of blood a quiet and peacefull dimension. A place of heros and villans and more specificly MEGAVILLE!
End of chapter one
Sun Jun 11, 2006 10:37 am
In before lock.
Sun Jun 11, 2006 10:51 am
is this a welcome thread?
welcome to the forums
Sun Jun 11, 2006 11:33 am
Hey sorry if you thought that the beggining of my story was just a rude introduction, it was my fault, but i have now corrected my mistake. Sorry again!
Sun Jun 11, 2006 11:43 am
Liked that chapter but a bit short for a chapter in my opinion
Liked that, waiting for more
Sun Jun 11, 2006 11:45 am
It definatly has some potential, keep it up
Sun Jun 11, 2006 11:48 am
Great beginning, Forse the Deathmaster!
And welcome in the forums!
Sun Jun 11, 2006 11:52 am
brilliant i love the dark energy in this keep up the good work
Sun Jun 11, 2006 11:56 am
The beginning is great. I hope you aren't planning to kill our lovly little girls
Well done, I'll be watching this one
Sun Jun 11, 2006 1:03 pm
A black day
A big clound was above Megaville. With her sisters already to school young Bubbles hurried to get there with the least delay. She had overslept and for some reason she was not able to understand non had bothered to wake her up. "Why didn't they wake me up?" She wondered. She was so occupied by her thoughts stopped flying and begun to take a slow walk towards her beloved school. It was about then that the girl notised that it started to rain. She quickly runned for cover under a near by tree. Not wanting to get any more wet, she did not move from underneeth the tree. "Oh! I'm going to get them for this!" she said as she looked worringly at the direction of her school. She then decited that she could not loose any more time. She begun to fly. But before she could get even two meters away from the the tree. She heard someone scream.
She imediatly froze. Step by slow step she started to aproach the source of that foul noice. It was now only but a few metters away. She could bearly breath from her fear. She finally reached the place only to witness a terrible sight. Countless courpses some half eaten were laying in front of her. She swiftly closed her eyes and begun to cry. A moment later she realized that the rain had stopped, she opened her eyes, the bodies were gone only some glasses and a couple of hats were left. Shocked Bubbles flew as fast as she could.
When she reached the school it was already break time. "Girls, i found you i..i.." she begun. "Bubbles whats wrong?" Blossom and Buttercup said together. "During the rain i saw..." Bubbles tried to say. "What rain? Its been sunny all day!" Said Blossom. Shocked Bubbles started to explain what had happened. "Ha...haha..hahaha" Buttercup started to laugh. "Are you sure you weren't imagening all of this?" she said as the bell rung. "I'm sure you have to belive me!!" she screamed. The other two sisters gave each other a pondering look. "Ok, we will check it out after school." The corridor was empty as the girls whent to the class. Bubbles was left behind closing her locker. "Did she loose the little mind she had left?" said Buttercup as they entared the classroom "she was with us all the time!"
End of Chgapter 1: "A black day"
Look, know there wasn't much action untill now but in the next part expect carnage.
Sun Jun 11, 2006 1:11 pm
I like carnage very much, so I'm going to like your next part, So far so good keep up the good work
Sun Jun 11, 2006 1:13 pm
OOhhh... The evilness
Sun Jun 11, 2006 1:19 pm
or are they
that made me want to read more
What was with that 'whatever' PM you sent me anyway?
Sun Jun 11, 2006 1:29 pm
Hey guys if you want i can write the rest of the chapter today in about half an hour.
Sun Jun 11, 2006 1:34 pm
I wouldn't If I were you, if you doo then you will much quicker face the dreadful "writers block"
Sun Jun 11, 2006 1:37 pm
Don't worry about me i already now exactly what to write for the next three chapters!
Sun Jun 11, 2006 1:39 pm
OK then go ahead
Sun Jun 11, 2006 2:34 pm
Great and scary chapters, I like it, keep this up!
Sun Jun 11, 2006 2:42 pm
keep up the good work it was amazing i love the darkness in this story
Sun Jun 11, 2006 2:43 pm
The bloody hill
The girls once more entered their class rooms so that the lesson could begin. They sat to their sits as quickly as they could knowing that they were all ready late. Suddently they noticed that their little sister was missing. But before they could say anything their teacher ordered silence. "Now children lets all be quiet. I have someone i would... like to meet you." She said as she turn towards the door. Suddently a tall black haired boy entered the class room. "Right... well... this is Victor he has comed to our school resently. I all expect you to be nice to him." Victor gave a smile. A smile that made some of the students scared. All were paralized as he looked around the room. His black eyes were marcked by death many tried to avoid his gaze from fear.
At that moment Bubbles entered the room. But she was changed there was a shadow on her face. Victor's smile was gone on her sight he took an agresive look against her that would be enough to make the bravest of all cowards.
Later when the school had ended the girls heded towards the hill that Bubbles saw earlier. "Is it this way?" Blossom asked. "Oh yes keep going we are almost there!" She said with a dark voice.
When the girls reached the hill a thick fog had fallen. The girls started to walk around when Bubbles said "This way come, now!!!!" Shocked by her demanding voice the girls followed. Then Blossom noticed two figures and the fog started to clear out. Bubbles started to walk towards them. "No Bubbl....." said Buttercup. But as she walk she started to grow taller, her dress was changing. When she reached her destination a tall red head teenage looking boy was in her place. He turnned a round and said."It has been always our most suppricing ability to change teporelily our form. Now, prepear to die in the hands of a master."
"A what?" they asked. "You'll figure it out!" He said and before any one was able to act he was right infrond of Blossom. A furry of attacks begun against her. Buttercup was stunned. She tried to help her sister but before she moved she was punched in the stomic by a white haired master. Her breath has cut it was like all her bones were broken. Minwhile Blossom was struck to air bleeding. The red haired master appered once more from no were. A smile grew on his face when he puched but to the ground. Buttercut was kicked by the white haired master in the gut and went flying. She smashed on a tree she tried to stand up. Before she could act a energy wave from him broke her leg. She fell on the earth now bleeding, helpless and weak. The white haired master grabed her by the neck within a second was and now charging an other energy wave, the final one. Blossom was just kicked about. " My name is Blood. Don't forget it when you die." He said when he let her fall on the ground. Blood whent above her. The third master was just sitting buck thruout the fight. He was having the time of his life! It was then, at the most helpless moment, that a golden ray when by him.
The next moment he found himself cut in a thousant places. Blood stopped looking scared. Before Blossom knew he saw Blood shot into the air. As he was rising somesting kicked him on the back. sending him with up with a greater forse. When he was very high a hail of blades and punches begun to hit him begun to hit him. In a second he had vanished in small pieces such as the third master. The last left let Buttercup down tuned and started to run. He was ten feet away when a sharp blade whent throu his heart. "You have gotten weaker." a voice behind him said and he broke in a thousant pieces that headed towards the sky disapearing as well as the others. "Now! What do I do with you?" the voice said turning to the girls.
End of chapter 1: The bloody hill
I hope you liked the battle. It was my first and if any of you have any tips about it it would be great help and don't worry many supprises and battles are still on the way!
Sun Jun 11, 2006 2:51 pm
You did a nice job with this, but you need to work on your spelling and grammer a little bit, my suggestion is to take your time when you write and be sure to look for errors.
Sun Jun 11, 2006 2:54 pm
i think that was amazing
Sun Jun 11, 2006 2:55 pm
you may need a spell checker
be sure to spell check
Added after 40 seconds:
and what MG said Amazing
Sun Jun 11, 2006 3:20 pm
Wow, youre fast with fanfic writing speed!
Great chapter, keep this up!
Sun Jun 11, 2006 4:51 pm
I was worried for a sec that you would kill the girls so instantly
I wonder where Bubbles is *ponder*
Like said, work a little on Grammar ams spelling. The fight scene was well made
Over all a job well done
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