I don't even ask if it's good enough at the point she's at anymore. At the point she's at, all I'd do is ask for a little advice on what I have so far. I used to be worse than her. Remember?

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They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies, you little spies - You will release your life, joining with the god-damned world of the dead and the lonely. - Я сошла с ума, Mне нужна она
Innuendo Squad's Resident Lesbian
Mother of darkness, mother of light, earth beneath us, soul in flight, songs of love and love of light, guide us to our heart.
We all come from the Goddess and to her we shall return like a drop of rain flowing to the ocean.

You're still pretty much the same last I saw.
I really do want to see you make a good CS at some point. I do. Honestly.
The trick is to be descriptive. Pad it like high school girls pad their bra. Doesn't have to be informative or useful to a large degree, just enough to really get a good overall feel.

Like, say, "Wears a long robe."
How to pad: Color, long-sleeve or short, anything special about it, anything in the robe, symbols?
example: "A long grey robe that flows down to -blank's- feet, torn and dirty at the bottom from years of use. The sleeves end just past -blank's- fingers to hide the sharpened nails at the end, along with short and spiked metal gloves. A dark but worn-out leather belt, sporting a brass heart design, wraps around -blank's- waist to carry both a shortsword and a leather pouch.

Not useful, but descriptive enough to give a better picture of the character. This can be applied to everything. Everything.

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"But when one of it's baby chicks is in trouble, Momma comes a run'nin' and a squawkin and a run'nin''." -General Treistar

will a picture do then i can describe the rest.

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Temple of Dreams - Orion - For Whom the Bell Tolls
I am beautiful because I am not perfect.

In some cases yes, but that really only works for the 'appearance' part of a CS.
Use what I stated earlier for everything else and you will usually gain acceptance rather quickly.

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"But when one of it's baby chicks is in trouble, Momma comes a run'nin' and a squawkin and a run'nin''." -General Treistar

Wow lotta commotion in the Ocean.

@Crystal: Still very bare, I don't particularly like pictures as they take away all creativity of the character much like films do unless well chosen in terms of actor e.g Alan Rickman as Snape. As for apperance your career very much determines your appearance. if you want to know what careers are availble their is a downaload available on page 1, it is a torrent though so be warned.

@Ace: Same as Crystal.

@Iris: Thank you my friend for information in my stead.

@Villain: Yes it's 2nd Ed.

@CrimsonJack: No I'm not allowing any chaos based characters, closest hing to chaos there is is a wizard even then your very much on the good side.

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Thank you rival but I edited it once more. please tell me if i need more.

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Temple of Dreams - Orion - For Whom the Bell Tolls
I am beautiful because I am not perfect.

It has the right amount of length but just doesn't have any feeling to it. It just feels like you listed things off you could think of and not tie it into any humanesque format, the character also doesn't have much feel as if it would it would fit into the Warhammer World. I suggest you look into the background info of Warhammer and perhaps look at the career compendium I linked, maybe you'll find something in there that'd be interesting to use as a base for your character.

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damn it i don' to do an rp myself im sorry i dont know anything about warhammer ive never played it.t know this game i need this game to creat an rp of myself.

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Temple of Dreams - Orion - For Whom the Bell Tolls
I am beautiful because I am not perfect.

I think it'll be a long while for you to have an Rp of your own I'm sad say this. I do think everyone deserves development unlike some who are not favourable to yours and MLS cause but I just think you need to wait until a Rp you can get behind comes along.

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pfft hahahahahahahaha oh this is just golden. Your entire CS brought a tear of laughter to my eyes, I thank you for that.

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I was willing to give creastal a chance before... now.... I dunno.

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"But when one of it's baby chicks is in trouble, Momma comes a run'nin' and a squawkin and a run'nin''." -General Treistar

Well is there an free ooc rp i can join

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Temple of Dreams - Orion - For Whom the Bell Tolls
I am beautiful because I am not perfect.

They're all free to join, its just that nobody wants you.

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Thank you Arch, I will get to work on my character soon. Elf it is then, I have a great source for personality and whatnot. Mind sending the link or whatever for the career choosing? I have skype by the way.

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Do you know where the real Hell is? It's inside your head.
Do you know where the real Heaven is? It's beyond the clouds, a horizon we all see in the end.
That's why my head is always in the clouds, hoping to see that Heaven beyond the horizon of Life and Hell.
Sayonara, Adios, Goodbye.

What be your Skype?

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Not everybody has skype, Arch.

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"But when one of it's baby chicks is in trouble, Momma comes a run'nin' and a squawkin and a run'nin''." -General Treistar

i wana be in this so can u guys help me get in please i really need this. my skype is chambareno dont ask about my pic .

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Temple of Dreams - Orion - For Whom the Bell Tolls
I am beautiful because I am not perfect.

I will have to find it... I have it but never use it,

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Do you know where the real Hell is? It's inside your head.
Do you know where the real Heaven is? It's beyond the clouds, a horizon we all see in the end.
That's why my head is always in the clouds, hoping to see that Heaven beyond the horizon of Life and Hell.
Sayonara, Adios, Goodbye.

First off. Punctuation. Proper spelling. Complete sentences.

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"But when one of it's baby chicks is in trouble, Momma comes a run'nin' and a squawkin and a run'nin''." -General Treistar

Name: Chaz

Race: HUMAN

Age: 30

Career: Chaz was, at first, a blacksmith. As he got older and sold his goods, as soon as he ran out of steel he sold his forge, and got money for him to survive on for about 1 year by himself. Then he became a mercenary for his occupation for the kingdom until he get hired by someone else. This person hired him a couple times and Chaz used the money to buy him a forge so he could start his blacksmithing again and sell his items in between his jobs as a mercenary. As his blacksmithing merchant was going well, he started to make new weapons and armor for his shop and got more money out of it.

As he went into the tavern to get a refreshment and he got a nice cold beer, he heard the chaos in the bar. He stood up out of the booth and said to the members of an apparent adventuring party, "I am open to go on an adventure, just let me close down my shop and ill be with guys in a minute." He went to his close his shop before returning to the tavern. Once he was back in the tavern, he called to the group, " I am ready to go." He swung his axe across his back and strapped in place with his shield.

Appearance: Chaz stands 6 feet tall. Being abnormally strong, he can lift his axe with one hand and swing it, though most humans would have to use two hands on an axe this size. He has short beard for a human as it only goes down his body about 4 inches away from his face. He has a helmet the looks like it has ram horns coming out from it and circling backward, the points of the horns point forward. He is wearing scale mail he made him self so he still can move around but also be very very useful as protection against any physical attack and some magic attack as well like fire, ice, and possibly lightning.As chaz crafted all these items custom for himself and did this because he knew he would be going on an adventure pretty soon as he made this stuff he put love and hatered into his crafting his armor and his weapon and his shield witch meant very much to him if there was any better armor he would not give it up for his current armor unless he made it himself and customized it to were it met his personality which is kind careing strong and durable.
He has a tower shield with bolts on the outside and a cross in the middle going across the shield and from the top to the bottom of the shield. Along the cross are bolts to keep it together in each corner of the shield there's a symbol. Upper right corner is a symbol of balance, like a scale. In the upper left hand corner there is a symbol of a (a pile of money of gold bars and jewels). In the lower right hand corner there is a 4 leaf clover as green as grass. In The lower right hand corner there is a symbol of a great axe just like he is using as a weapon. It has green triangles right below the base, about 2 inches from the top, as it glows in a mysterious way. The edges of the axe were cresent shaped and were silver because of the sharpness. As the axe was bladed on both sides of the handle that was keeping the axe together. as the handle was wraped in leather and had a safe guard so if his hand sliped off his handle it would stop his hand from getting cut from his own axe. As the safe gaurd had a signature on it read, "(Kill the Orcs)"

Personality: A human that is gold obsessed, drink loving elf-haters, caring and willing to help anyone in need. But anyone that get in their way will get an axe to the head. Chaz hates orcs because of his past and willing to to kill every last orc on the planet because it remind him of his past. His entire family died from the orcs, or so he thought they were dead from the attack of the orcs.As his family was very dependent on each other to get by in the world as chaz got worried as they would not be with him for the fights in the future.As his sister was like knocked out from the attack so he knew that she would be still alive but didn't know where he was hiding in this new city he was in or if she was even in the city he was in. He will kill orcs for free because he wants to get his vengence on the orc king for even sending his men out for killing his family and the castle. Why he defended the castle is because it reminded him of his home when he was little. With the city on his back he felt like he got rid of of his past but he knew that wasn't all the orcs that killed his family there was still the orc leader and his 5 bodyguards were left from the assault on my house. He really hate people that show off and likes people that sticks together because he does better when surrounded by friends and allies by my side but will cover himself if everyone else is dead and will go ballistic because it will remind him of him and his family but will keep his cool and use his head to kill his enemys. Then will carry all there dead bodys to the temple to get revived by the priest in the temple.

History: Was removed from his home from an attack from orcs. Was to young to do anything about it.As he had to grow up by myself hunt for food and for stuff to live by. He have gotten accustom to being critsized in so many ways it isn't funny. He battled many fights during this 1 year period against orcs and many other battles against goblins and skeletons and a brute of a gaint. He found this battle quite easy because the gaint had to keep doing down strikes to hit him and he finally killed it that week he had plenty to eat but no preservatives so it lasted him like three days without preserving it.He fought like 5 battle against goblins like 20 battles with goblins like 2 battle against skeletons and 1 against the gaint. As he was running low on food and had no forge to sell my goods and ventured toward the city to hope for better buissness.As he got there my buissness went well until an attack hit the city. As he had experience in killing stuff, he took out his battle axe and the orcs that attacked the city was the same ones from his home attack. So I had a grudge to settle with them as he hacked and slashed every single orc. As he got my vengence. He got rewarded for killing all the orcs that attacked the city. And he was hired as a mercenary for the kingdom and that is when he started his new business as a mercenary. As chaz was looking non stop for his sister in this town.As he was looking around one day in the city he saw a girl that could possibly be his sister and followed her not sure of if it was her or not so he looked around trying to see her face as he went into the tavern after she did and asked her for her name. As she was with this group that needed help so he offered his fairs as a mercenary as he told the group he gets paid for everyday he is with them but cheap not sure of his skill as a mercenary yet.As he looked at the girl asked if she was also attack by a bunch of orcs when she was a little girl. As chaz closed down his shop after he got his answer from his sister and came back with his shield and axe on his back ready to set forth to the world.

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Temple of Dreams - Orion - For Whom the Bell Tolls
I am beautiful because I am not perfect.

That is not what I meant.

Edit: Better but it's still GM's choice. I've taken you as far as I can.

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They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies, you little spies - You will release your life, joining with the god-damned world of the dead and the lonely. - Я сошла с ума, Mне нужна она
Innuendo Squad's Resident Lesbian
Mother of darkness, mother of light, earth beneath us, soul in flight, songs of love and love of light, guide us to our heart.
We all come from the Goddess and to her we shall return like a drop of rain flowing to the ocean.

Still more than a few mistakes but a notable improvement from the previous.

Now this might be just me on this, but when making the history part just refer to it as a reader and not the character.

Spaces in between sentences are crucial here too otherwise the whole thing looks like a wall of text. Not fun to read at all.
Other than what I stated it is an actual CS you have here. Better than a few MLS has labelled 'Finished'!
There is hope for you yet.

Oh and just click the -edit- button at the corner of a post instead of just reposting a CS.

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"But when one of it's baby chicks is in trouble, Momma comes a run'nin' and a squawkin and a run'nin''." -General Treistar

Aw, nothing about me? I'm disappointed.

But as Zelosse pointed out, structure your texts using line breaks and spacing.


Amusing how her CS, despite the grammatical errors, is already better than most of yours.

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Could we try to be constructive Asmo? That'd be super. You have nothing new to add, except in an inflammatory way

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In all honesty? No, in fact, I'm surprised at myself for not being harsher.

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