Asmodai wrote:Man, and here I thought I was being unique by creating a non-fighter... I was hoping it would create some tension between the fighter characters (of which I thought there would be more)
Might add a bit of non-lethal combat ala Mirror's Edge (knocking out, disarming)
ALSO WILL ALL OF YOU PEOPLE STOP REFERRING TO MY_LITTLE_SISTER AS LMS?!? Every time I read that acronym, I think of Last Man Standing. WHICH IS A TOO AWESOME THING TO BE TIED TO MLS!
You seem to have sorta glossed over what the different trait categories should be about. Trait 5 should be a motivation or conviction of some sort, not a skill. I need to know what drives the character in order to motivate her in the RP.
Trait 4 is way too specific. It should be more broadly applicable. You can't resolve a lot of situations by just "typing fast". It's not even that fast in a setting where people can transfer thoughts directly into the machine. Instead, she could just be insanely fast with computers and digital devices in general. Fast at hacking, typing, assembling, booting, whatever. Oh, and if you could describe how it's applicable for combat, as I've kinda required it be, that'd be swell.
Trait 3 isn't bad, but... It could use some expansion of what that language skill is good for. In a closed, small-area "nation" like Athana, I can't imagine there's a lot of people that don't know the official language of the state (let's assume it's english). Some in the Underground, but not many. As such, I figured she'd used it more to impress people and such. Fire off a greek philosophers quote in ancient greek to seem smart, and such.
Trait 1 also needs to be more better explained. What's "varying" things? Is she easily distracted in general, or is it actually "shiny" things that distract her? No one is distracted by bricks in a wall or tiles in the floor, so it seems lazy to just put "varying" in.
For the extra trait, you should probably drop the part where she doesn't do anything with her ideas, because being creative on paper isn't going to be very useful. Also, creative in what manner? Does she design games, act, paint, make music, film movies? Creativity is a lot of things.
All of your traits could use at least a line or two more of explanation.
Also, the name. Being named after three kinds of precious stones is kinda ridiculous. Keep one, drop the rest... Unless she had wacky parents or she named herself that and it somehow ties in to the character concept.
The numbers are unnecessary. Just say that she "runs really fast" and "build electronic stuff faster than most people" rather than put numbers on it. It doesn't matter in the RP just how exactly much time it takes her to run a mile (and we can always make up a number if it does), and everything is relative, so specific numbers can sound off. As already pointed out, 75 words per minute isn't even that much. I can do 50, and I'm mediocre and don't live in a futuristic society. It's better to keep that stuff vague.
Lastly, the concept doesn't seem accurate. She seems neither ninja, nor hydrophobic. The mechanized legs are cool, though. We need moar cybernetics!
Asmodai wrote:ALSO WILL ALL OF YOU PEOPLE STOP REFERRING TO MY_LITTLE_SISTER AS LMS?!? Every time I read that acronym, I think of Last Man Standing. WHICH IS A TOO AWESOME THING TO BE TIED TO MLS!
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