History: Lazy thug with assburgers.
Power: Has more book marked web comics than you will ever read in your life time, and can live of video games and diet coke for a week.
Alliance: Whoever will give him a NRA membership.
*buying a gun*
And God looked down upon the mortals and said: "...wtf are you noobs doing on my lawn?"
That's the problem with worshipping the god of schemes. You never quite know whether or not you're being divinely blessed, screwed over royally, or both at the same time.