Well as long as we're all being complete dicks I suppose I'll give this a try and pretend to be someone I'm not pretending to be someone they're not.
Name: Hugo "Huge-O" Sanchez
Gender: Male, I think. I haven't seen my penis in five years so it might not even be there anymore, I'm just making a vague guess based on my sexual preferences so I could be a lesbian for all I know
Weight: 301 lbs. last I checked which was maybe seven years ago when I could weigh myself without damaging the scale. By now it might be anywhere between 302-701 I'm not sure.
Height: 5'10" standing, 6'5" sitting
Location: Alaska, where my blubber keeps me warm
Favourite Website: http://www.somethingawful.com
Favourite Monty Python sketch: Parrot Sktetch. I was going to pick something more obscure like maybe Cheese Shop, or more 'original' like Spanish Inquisition, but I figured nobody would pick Parrot Sketch since they think everyone likes Parrot Sketch and that they'd be unoriginal for picking it; therefore I'm being original by picking Parrot Sketch by proxy since nobody else is going to pick it.
Failing that, Lumberjack
Favourite variety of "Cheetos": Original, though I won't turn down Cheetos no matter what variety they are; my brother sometimes offers me something he calls "Floor Cheetos" which are basically Cheetos he dropped on the floor and stepped on - the dirt on his shoes offers a subtle flavor
Favourite soft drink: Root Beer because it allows my burps to be loud and boisterous, in addition to rancid and foul. Nothing better than belching and being able to melt paint.
Common themes in their characters: Extreme athleticism to make up for the fact that I get winded just standing up to use the bathroom