Snafu Therapy Thread. This topic is under Mod protection

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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Tue Jul 08, 2014 8:06 am

@Sly

I have no plans on losing sight of this issue. And I will get some help for it, before it gets bad, if it does.

@Millo

I think this as well.

But after reflecting on this more, I think I might just be angry about all the death that's happened in my family. I mean. I get over it in a sense, but it's still there.

I dunno. I'm gonna check in with a psychologist definitely, but I'm also going to continue boxing.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Fri Jul 11, 2014 2:58 am

Pop psychology says that venting anger is good for you, but that's not true. Focusing on one's anger tends to amplify it, the same way a child gets self-involved in a tantrum. It's self reinforcing. "Bottling it up" is usually bad in the sense that suppressing your anger is counterproductive if the cause of your anger goes unaddressed. Boxing is fine though, as long as you aren't actively trying to murder the other guy, but attempting some level of suppression of your anger won't necessarily be a bad thing.

That's only academia speaking though. To my recollection, I've never felt anger in my life.

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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Sly » Tue Jul 15, 2014 4:04 pm

this is my txt log between me and my mom:

mom> [sly] grandpa passed last nite around 1am
(sixdaylater)
mom> do you offer no condolences still? my father was put in the ground & nothing from you.
(hour later)
mom> what about calling your grandma 67yrs with him, still nothing. don't you know it matters to know that everyone cares?
mom> (address for my grandma) if you can't think about anyone other than you, stay that way.
me> stop acting like a kid.
mom> at the end of the day, we have our blood. if you can't feel anyone else's pain then who are you
me> tantrums are for children.
mom> you're a selfish child.


:/ this is the shit i deal with. a mom who sent me nothing to her only child to ever graduate college. and then BLAMED ME for no one giving a shit about my graduation. a mom who blamed me for my sister throwing me out. a mom who does not give me any permission to be upset or angry over things because it's all my goddamn fault anyway. A woman who told me that she didn't care that my siblings abused me when i was younger because her siblings abused her when she was younger and that made it okay for me to be abused.

I didn't send condolences, and I didn't go to the funeral for my grandpa. why? because I never knew him. he was a cold man that would not talk to his grandchildren; he wouldn't talk to his own children save for the two eldest sons. he was deeply truamatized by his years in world war two serving in the navy, and he never spoke to anyone save for his wife, one famiyl friend, and his two eldest sons (out of six children total.)

My grandma? She's a hardass italian woman even to this day. I have all my respect for her. but you have to understand my grandpa's death was no surprise. he died of natural causes at age 85. he was old, sickly and cripple. my grandma wanted him to pass. she couldn't stand to see her big strong husband that way. she couldn't stand that as his wife, she was too old and weak herself to take care of him. his passing is a relief to her, and at the same time, permission for her to pass as well. She doesn't need my condolences. She's a strong woman all her own.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Tue Jul 15, 2014 4:15 pm

This is a theory, but.

I feel your mom might've been wanted to take this opportunity to rebuild a relationship between you and the family again. Death hurts, and when it strikes, half of the general population who cared about the person that died will reach out to their family and friends for comfort.

My dad is a hardass who had me removed from the family for a time, and it took the death of my grandma and her wishes to have me included again.

This feels weird to say, but the fact that your mom is trying to talk to you, regardless of issues and problems, is kind of admirable.

Regardless, don't think about it in terms of her purposefully trying to hurt you. Try and view it from a different standpoint. Not a malicious action, but an attempt at communication.

She might be worried that she'll lose you, too.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Sly » Tue Jul 15, 2014 4:42 pm

She has reason to worry that she'll lose me. I've excommunicated various family members of mine for years at a time.
Honestly, my mom is one for trying to guilt trip people, and that's what I see it as right here. And any attempt to confront her about things she's done, she flips the table and turns it back on people. In other words, she has no intention of taking responsibility for her own actions. She just wants me to never be angry with her regardless of what she does. To her, I'm not allowed to be hurt or angry, I have to just be cool with whatever. I have a few uncles I refuse to speak to. I do not talk to my dad's family save for my dad's older brother. I don't speak with my sister at all, and I used to not until I had no other option but to move in with her, but obviously after she kicked me out, I don't talk to her at all. My brother I speak to, though I didn't used to. My father is the only person in my life that I've never not spoken to.

For the past two weeks I've considered that once I have enough money to pay my mom and brother back, I'd like to leave my family entirely. Just move somewhere and not tell them where I went, change my phone number and not give them my new one.
My family has caused me more pain than anything else in my life. I'd easily go through all the bullying I put up with in school again, than deal with my family. In my heart I want to cut them out of my life really badly.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Wed Jul 16, 2014 8:49 pm

I quite honestly don't really know what to do anymore. I know for sure i shouldn't be feeling depressed.

There is nothing going on in my life this summer whether it be negative or positive. It's just in a stand still, this is the summer i reserve that time to just chill and no worry about things yet here I am almost everyday having panic attacks feeling like there's something after me trying to hunt. Then some days I feel like I waste of space unable to bring myself out of bed. Let me stress that there really isn't anything going on, so why am I depressed? I've never gotten a diagnosis before. I went to therapy but the fucker never told me whats wrong with me. It has to be some sort of chemical imbalance, I've gone through pain in my life that does warrant a lot of the negative emotions I'm feeling but I feel guilty because I don't think that it warrants all of these sad and negative emotions. I feel guilty that I have people that care about me and a place to live and eat food without having to worry about starving yet here I am stuck in a little hole and it's like I've been in prison my whole life for a crime I didn't commit. I think I'm one of those people that just needs medication to give them a little boost for the day. But my family is horrendously uneducated in the subject and just the option of talking to them about it seems out of the question since they won't hear my out. I think thats the main reason I want to move out so bad, I know that I won't be able to get the help I need till I'm out of their grip and in my own space. It's frustrating talking about the future though, I'm tired of waiting for things to look bright. It's always oh it'll get better I just gotta wait till I finish school and move out and stuff but it'll be years till i see that kind of money.

I guess I'm just venting, I'm going to a friends place tomorrow afternoon so maybe that'll cheer me up for the moment. Honestly I wouldn't mind if school started a bit earlier, it'd be nice to just immerse myself in it.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Wed Jul 16, 2014 8:57 pm

Therapy isn't just for them to tell you what's wrong, what would that solve? There's more of a process than that, when you get back to school consider going to the councillors on a semi regular basis. For now it really seems like you need to find something to do, just chilling doesn't really seem to work for you.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Wed Jul 16, 2014 9:01 pm

Yeah I'm not really good with just chilling, I don't know why I always thought I was lazy but I guess I need something constructive to do or else i feel like time has been wasted.
Have you tried turn it off and on again?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Wed Jul 16, 2014 9:28 pm

Time to find hobbies/do the ones you have
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:27 am

Have you tried taking on projects/commissions?

It'll give you something to do, something productive.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Thu Jul 17, 2014 10:24 am

I wouldn't feel right taking on commissions till I'm comfortable in my abilities as an artist
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Thu Jul 17, 2014 11:01 am

Ah.

Then make personal projects for yourself.

Learn new art methods.

That sort of thing.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:13 pm

I'm sad and I want a drink


Thats what the past 7 days have been like for me. I think back to the posts I made here a year ago and honestly I'm doubting that I improved at all.
Have you tried turn it off and on again?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:16 pm

Drinking when you're sad is a bad idea most of the time for most people. It tends to just make you think more and more about what has you down and since you're drunk it's easier to convince yourself of things
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:20 pm

Yeah I know full well that it does that. I don't drink alone though, it's always with friends and we do a good job of distracting ourselves. So it's not like I'll have the time to mull over my issues. I just like me when I'm buzzed. I don't have to worry about panic attacks or really anything, I can just go with the flow.
Have you tried turn it off and on again?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Sat Jul 19, 2014 11:31 am

Anyone take sleeping pills.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Princess » Sat Jul 19, 2014 12:11 pm

I only take melatonin when I need it.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Sat Jul 19, 2014 12:16 pm

Good for blacking out dreams?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Princess » Sat Jul 19, 2014 12:27 pm

I've never had a dream, at least not that I remember, while taking one.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Sat Jul 19, 2014 12:33 pm

Good.

Prescription required?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Princess » Sat Jul 19, 2014 1:51 pm

Nope. You can pick it up at you local drugstores, or even grocery store.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Sat Jul 19, 2014 2:09 pm

Thanks, Stuff.

I'm going to be needing it for a while.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Thy Obsessive Freak » Mon Jul 21, 2014 4:35 am

Hey-ho, not really looking for a supply, just posting this to get this out as it really made me upset last night that I was keeping this bottled up that I almost went into tears.

Just to share in case anyone doesn't know, I have lymphoma cancer one of the most aggressive, but treatable cancers. I had gone through 5 cycles 3 weeks each and had a right to be cocky to belief that this sixth one would be my last as estimated. A cat scan had been done around my chest and all the tumors had gone into remission (Hope that's how you spell it), however they had not scanned around my leg, wanting to do an MIR scan instead. Stupid as there was a much longer waiting list. What was worse was that my leg would become swollen and painful again near the end of each cycle. Third, two weeks and five days, fourth two weeks and two days and fifth, one week and half. After two weeks of being on the MIR scan list, I was put on the emergency list however I still had to wait another four weeks. By that time, the cancer had took hold of me severely and I was in hospital by the time. Worse continued to worse as my leg had become so painful to hold still for the machine, I was put on both powerful sedatives and morphine just to hold me still.
It was then they had found out that while the chemo was doing a great job at shriken the tumors, new ones were growing in my leg. I'm going to be on a new treatment now that will take 6-9 cycles every three weeks, so it feels like I'm starting over again. Fortunately, while this treatment is new, it;s supposedly very clever, only targeting the tumors meaning it's a lot less intense than chemo. If it doesn't work though, the doctors boast they have more options at their disposal, as said lymphoma's aggressive, but very treatable. I've had to wait though for it arrive and it should come to the hospital I'm at tomorrow so as to start it.

So yeah that's just the frustrating, terrible and background stuff going on that I've been echoing all across the forum. The thing that I'm wanting to share is that I'd wake up in pain again 4:30-5:30am usually where this leg would be at it's worse, it felt like my leg was about to explode. There were two nights that the pain was at it's worse and it would take so long for the nurses to have done anything, usually about 20minutes just to get my morphine tablet, even then I had to wait for it to set in, but even then the pain wouldn't stop. They were truly terrifying and upsetting nights indeed. I'd scream in agony for the nurses to hurry, not sure if they were understaffed, having trouble getting my meds or had no real idea how much pain I was in, but I'd thresh and kick in my bed pleading for the pain to stop. They did start coming to grips eventually, when I managed to get a doctor to come into my ward late at night and made it clear I was willing for anything to stop the pain, even a needle (And I had made it clear to them that I had a huge phobia of needles and canulas, it's very irrational really), where I had been given an injection that for once did the job, I was able to go back to sleep soundly with no pain and wake back up just needing another servadol tablet. I no longer have this agony anymore. Once they checked the MIR scan, they for some reason only now, started putting me on steroids which stopped the swelling and I've been in no agony since.

But yeah I started tearing up remembering those horrible nights I felt so helpless. I managed to text to my Ma when the pain was at it's worst, needing her to keep me calm as I waited just for someone to come. So yeah, just needed to share that, hopefully I'll be less distressed everytime I think about those nights for the moment.

Almost forgot to mention that the staff has been great to me and looked after me. Just that there's a possibility that they didn't know the pain I went through and how upsetting they were. I'm starting to think that these wards for one are soundproof so might not have heard my screams that I think they were hearing.
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