this is my txt log between me and my mom:
mom> [sly] grandpa passed last nite around 1am
mom> do you offer no condolences still? my father was put in the ground & nothing from you.
mom> what about calling your grandma 67yrs with him, still nothing. don't you know it matters to know that everyone cares?
mom> (address for my grandma) if you can't think about anyone other than you, stay that way.
me> stop acting like a kid.
mom> at the end of the day, we have our blood. if you can't feel anyone else's pain then who are you
me> tantrums are for children.
mom> you're a selfish child.
this is the shit i deal with. a mom who sent me nothing to her only child to ever graduate college. and then BLAMED ME for no one giving a shit about my graduation. a mom who blamed me for my sister throwing me out. a mom who does not give me any permission to be upset or angry over things because it's all my goddamn fault anyway. A woman who told me that she didn't care that my siblings abused me when i was younger because her siblings abused her when she was younger and that made it okay for me to be abused.
I didn't send condolences, and I didn't go to the funeral for my grandpa. why? because I never knew him. he was a cold man that would not talk to his grandchildren; he wouldn't talk to his own children save for the two eldest sons. he was deeply truamatized by his years in world war two serving in the navy, and he never spoke to anyone save for his wife, one famiyl friend, and his two eldest sons (out of six children total.)
My grandma? She's a hardass italian woman even to this day. I have all my respect for her. but you have to understand my grandpa's death was no surprise. he died of natural causes at age 85. he was old, sickly and cripple. my grandma wanted him to pass. she couldn't stand to see her big strong husband that way. she couldn't stand that as his wife, she was too old and weak herself to take care of him. his passing is a relief to her, and at the same time, permission for her to pass as well. She doesn't need my condolences. She's a strong woman all her own.