Snafu Therapy Thread. *TRIGGER WARNINGS* This topic is under Mod protection

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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Mon May 26, 2014 10:14 pm

That's nice to hear, dude
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Mon May 26, 2014 10:45 pm

Yeah it's really nice you have someone thats there to lend a shoulder and be supportive. Good for you man.

Like I said in PM, don't feel too guilty about being numb towards the prospect of death. Humans adapt and learn to cope all the time.
Have you tried turn it off and on again?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Tue May 27, 2014 12:54 am

Rezby wrote:Some family history:

My entire family comes from the former soviet union. In the 80s, they applied to emigrate and became Refusniks (the term, somewhat derogatory, but basically official term, meaning they were denied permission to leave immediately and got put on a waiting list). For a decade. In 1989, my dad was finally able to come over. Over the next couple years, as he earned money or something, his parents, his younger brothers, my mom and her younger brother, and their parents, all were able to eventually make their way from Moscow to Chicago. 1993, I'm born. My dad gets an offer from University of Toronto to go teach, so we move there. The pay is shit, so not even a year later, we're back in Chicago. Tensions between my mom and dad. Separation, then divorce. He moves to NYC and goes into finance, since that actually pays money, unlike teaching. He pays child support and provides somewhat for me from afar. He visits about once or twice a year starting when I was 10 or so, and I start flying out to visit him. We have a fine relationship, aside from the fact that I am constantly being told I am smarter than what my grades show and I have to be doing better, don't I know my grades will impact the rest of my life. He takes me on vacations, skiing, or to the coast. they're fun, even if we're both a little awkward around each other.

Over the years, I've just been a continual disappointment + mystery to him. I'm smart, or so the tests say anyways, so why am I so freaking dumb?

When I got into university, even though the original agreement between my mom and him were that he'd pay the first half, and she'd pay the second half (she's an accountant, but left her higher paying far job to a lower paying nearby job at the local synagogue because family, her husband, my stepdad, is a periodontist, and provides the majority of the income for the household), but because of reasons, my college savings account was not as full as it should have been so he used up his college savings account, and then told me the New Deal, as of January 2014:
I pass all my courses with As and Bs, and he'll pay for the next semester. I get below a B in even one course, and I find the money elsewhere for that next semester. For every semester I get Bs or higher, he'll pay the next one. Out of pocket, because he can afford it, at the expense of not taking vacations and living a little less comfortably but still pretty comfortably.
As he said, why should he sacrifice for me to just fail?

and uh.

I failed.

So now my mom's paying for my summer semester, and I have to, absolutely have to, get Bs or higher on the two courses I'm taking: retaking diff eq, and taking physics 2, which is electricity/circuits, and thermodynamics, with calculus of course (I'm an engineer, everything is with calculus).

I legitimately believe I have ADD, even if sometimes late at night my self-doubts come out. I think I always had it, and my parents just thought I was smart enough where I didn't need it diagnosed, and then it seemed to fade away with puberty (it didn't, I think I just learned some coping mechanisms).

During high school, I took some actions about it. I bought add medication from a friend who for some reason had like a giant jar full of them, so he was able to sell 'em for super cheap (which was nice, I didn't have a lot of pocket money). like 10 or 20 mg, extended release. I took one in the morning and I noticed I did so much better in classes. Gave me more energy, without overloading me, which was nice too. He graduated after my sophomore year tho, so there went that. My junior year was godawful. I failed 2 courses then, too, and had to retake 1 over summer, and the other during my senior year. I ended up telling mom and asking if she could get me an appointment with someone. She's not a fan of medicating kids (despite her husband having some medication for his OCD and she having some medication for anxiety........), so I got sent to like... 3 different social workers/therapists. One of them did help, but with something else, entirely unrelated. the neurofeedback was bullshit.

I dropped the issue with my mom and basically just stopped seeing them, and my high school senior year wasn't fun, but I was able to put my nose to the books and get all As and Bs. But uh, I think that was largely the influence of my partner (she and I started going out 2011 and are still going strong). She helps.

So I made an appointment with a psychiatrist, its tomorrow morning at 10:30. I'm hoping, really hoping, she'll prescribe me the medication which I firmly believe works for me.

I try to avoid lying if I can help it, but lies of omission are a lot easier than a fabricated mistruth.

Quite a past your family has. That said, it seems there's more to this than I imagined. It makes me upset to have read that you've been told many times that you're smart, and unsurprisingly this is nothing new, so it's good to see you're wary of this.

And that's a tight spot you've been put in. My classes supposedly paid because of FAFSA, but I screwed up before attending my community college classes by misinterpreting the letters FAFSA sent me and my older brother paid for my classes. It didn't take too long to pay him back since he was efficient when it comes to making money online...since I brought it up, that's something you should probably consider doing.

Anyways, I can't believe how badly you've been treated by others you've been seeking help with (sans your friend). I could say that it was horrible for you to take ADD medication that belonged to your friend (I think it's illegal to do that in my place for any medication), but your mother and the three social workers/therapists are the worst offenders in your case...this part of your story is probably the most complicated in my opinion. If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to them, and what did they respond with?

And if you think it helps, then go for the medications. I also salute your partner for sticking out for you too. Oh, and continue to keep yourself from lying okay? A part of me is also taking your story with a grain of salt ever since you've mentioned it.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Rezby » Tue May 27, 2014 8:35 pm

I've been honest.

Today I went to the psychiatrist, and was honest with her. Completely honest, not hiding a thing or lying about it.

She agreed with my initial assessment, said I do appear to have a mild case of adult ADHD, but I also apparently have some mild OCD and depression as well. Like sure, the depression is something I avoid talking about or thinking about if I can, but the OCD kind of took me by surprise.

She asked about my previous therapists, but I only remembered one of their names (I also actually have a fairly bad memory problem, especially when it comes to my own past history, I have a really hard time remembering things and events that happened, especially ones where I was involved/were about me. Knowledge? Facts? Sure, I can remember them about as well as the next guy, just not anything about myself).

Its weird, both you and my gf think my mom has been really horrible about it, but I don't really see her as being at fault here? She repeated today she disagrees with me trying to fix these problems with medications, but I already know her viewpoint so there's no need to repeat it. She'll still support it and pay for it, even if she doesn't agree with it.

Which is p generous, I think, considering I've been nothing but a big leech on my family for years.

One of the therapists tried Neurofeedback. Basically, its an ongoing ElectroEncephaloGram (EEG), which measures the surface electrical activity all across my brain. My brain had an abundance of electrical activity that is short and repetitive, described as beta (or theta, one of the two, I don't remember) waves. A large overabundance (redundant?), which is typical in people who have ADHD. So what the neurofeedback did was it had an ongoing eeg on me, and played 'games' with me, on a screen, where I'd 'win' when I was able to condition my brain to have less of those waves. Nothing special about the way I'm thinking, just plain old subconscious conditioning, using the reward path of my brain to try to help my brain correct itself and have less of those waves.

Another was a family-oriented therapist, so all she ever wanted to talk about was my family life, my history, my relationships with them and other people.

I don't even remember the third, at all, tbh.

Back to today's psychiatrist, she prescribed me with Straterra, which isn't an amphetamine salt nor is it a stimulant (hah, her eyebrows went through the roof when I told her about my friend's jar of adderall. She implied she didn't believe my friend was being honest with me about it being adderall, and we changed topics due to time limit before I could protest my friend's innocence, he was many things, but a liar was not one of them. He's responsible too, he wouldn't let me go do cocaine with him because I was underage. :P In my sophomore year, I had fallen in with the drug crowd, and was willing (and excited to, even) to try anything once. I had some fun times, and uh, some not fun times. The first time I saw James Cameron Avatar was also the first time I tried Ecstasy, and oh man, but was that was an amazing experience). Anyways, tangent aside, she also wants to prescribe me with a mild SSRI antidepressant, but wants me to wait a few weeks while the Straterra gets into my system and takes effect (I'm already experiencing some effects,, I already lost more appetite than I ever did from adderall, and I just started this stuff out. This is gonna be fun. I'm experiencing some other side effects too that I remember from the adderall days, like really dry tongue/mouth, weird taste under tongue, some other stuff). Straterra is a lot weaker than adderall, but has some side effects, like nausea. If I end up getting nauseous, or the side effects are too bad, she'll switch me to something else.

I've been completely honest, too. I can omit things from the internet, you guys don't need the details of my long long ago suicide attempt, but I don't want to omit that stuff from the person who will be giving me substances. She knows what she's doing, and I'll respect that and be completely honest, even if I do toy around with the idea of deliberately taking higher dosages than she suggested because the starter kit she gave me says its for people who weigh up to like 130, and I'm 200 lbs due to a completely sedentary lifestyle for two years. Just two years of sedentary living made my weight skyrocket by 40 pounds. That's one of the things I'll be fixing this summer (another thing I get a lot of crap about from my family. I fail at school, I'm fat, and my hair is too long.)

Which part of my long, tragic tale, are you not quite believing? I can elucidate. :P
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Tue May 27, 2014 9:31 pm

The OCD part surprised me too. You don't sound like you have it or anything. What's interesting at the moment is your life and drugs. And no, you don't have to tell us about your suicide attempt since it seems irrelevant. But how are you doing with drugs in general?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Rezby » Tue May 27, 2014 9:53 pm

Its in the past. They were easily available so I went for them because of the crew I rolled with. They're all in boston now, and I'm in Chicago (with no plans to ever visit them tbh). I'm 20 rn, and I don't even bother drinking booze because its not worth the effort of procuring. Sure, when I hang with my 21+ friends and they provide it, I'll drink some (I drink in moderation because I remember my one time in high school...sophomore year lol. I drank like... 10 or 15 shots over the course of the night, rum, whiskey when the rum ran out, then vodka when the whiskey ran out, that was a wild party), but not much because I don't ever want to be drunk again. Weed... its too much effort. If someone came up to me and asked me to go smoke with them, I might say yes, but I'd probs say no. I'm no longer a minor and there are legal consequences now to worry about. My roommate in college offered me some once, and I turned him down because I was facebooking with my girlfriend. Priorities. :P

Last time I smoked weed was last summer, my old boston buddy was in town and I hit him up and smoked with him. It was fun, but I'm in all likelihood never going to be touching pot again.

Cigarettes are a weird story. There's family history of addiction to them, (which makes sense, soviet union and all). I started out only smoking when I was with this one hot chick because she smoked and I wanted to be her, I had a large crush/hero worship going on then. summer after sophomore year, the summer I did all the pot with the boston crew (they're all older than me, so most of them, including the hot chick, graduated and moved to college as I was going into my junior year). I found out I liked it and decided I'd continue to smoke occasionally with friends, but never on my own, never have an addiction. My friends graduated and left, and then one of them who joined the navy and stuck around for a bit had a brilliant idea. He'd buy rolling paper and tobacco, and make his own! but he graduated so he can't go about selling it to the high schoolers anymore, so thats where I came in. And for like 2-3 months, I went around selling 'packs' of homemade cigs to other students under 18. He was smoking away all the profits though, he smoked almost as many as he made, so we quit that operation soon enough (also because we didn't have packs, so we wrapped them in tin foil, and sold them for like 5 bucks for a pack's worth of cigs, but in tin foil. It was completely ridiculous). This was my early junior year, before cigarette buddy went off to the navy (he had to lose a lot of weight first before being allowed in).

I basically didn't smoke at all senior year and then college freshman year (I went straight from high school to university because of parental pressure, I really wish I hadn't caved and did take a gap year, but mostly I just wanted out of the house). Then I bought a single pack of cigarettes and smoked em over entire fall semester with my gf smoking a bit here and there too (she's got weird allergy/asthma stuff, like small amounts of cig smoke actually helps her breathe easier, but too much and she starts needing her inhaler). I smoked pretty slowly, until I had a stressful conversation with my dad about something or other and then I chain smoked 5 while going for a long walk. Then I bought a second pack, and I haven't even finished it yet. I've had cigars and cigarellos before, and used hookahs. I enjoy tobacco products and will almost certainly be using more of them once I have more disposable income. /shrug
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Tue May 27, 2014 9:57 pm

Wow. Your life...it's just interesting with the drugs involved, but it's kind of weird to say. What do you do to keep yourself from doing most of those drugs again?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Rezby » Tue May 27, 2014 10:05 pm

I don't feel any need to do them, so I just don't? I like smoking, but I know how dangerous it is, so I limit myself strongly, and basically only let myself do it as a treat.
Its too much effort for too little reward
too little reward for so much risk.

heh, that reminds me, in high school, I got what was affectionately dubbed as the 'soviet death cig' from my buddies, the adderall jar guy, and the navy guy (they were neighbors and best bros), which was apparently a relic from the soviet union that didn't have a filter, so I decided I'd save it for a special occasion, wrapped it in paper towels and put it in my desk drawer, where it still is. lol. I was gonna smoke it for high school graduation but I forgot. I've had that thing for years now. I'm still waiting for a special occasion to pull it out.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Tue May 27, 2014 10:37 pm

I agree with cigarettes. I actually fantasize sometimes about me smoking a cigarette but on the long run smoking is something I don't want to do. My father used to smoke once but I think he quit and he did vape E-Cigs at one point. But other than that, I just don't want to die so soon.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Witch Haru » Tue May 27, 2014 10:43 pm

hmm if i could just post
because it's getting at me again

things are getting really bad for me
recently, i just suddenly start feeling awful and burst into tears at random moments
deep sobbing out of no where...
my thoughts are eating away at me and i feel ignored by those i care about
i feel like all the friends i feel so close to and love so much only think of me as "some friend"
even though in my eyes,they mean the world to me
i'm being ignored or blown off online.... i feel really alone
it's getting to be too much....
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Tue May 27, 2014 11:11 pm

Lady Haru wrote:i feel like all the friends i feel so close to and love so much only think of me as "some friend"

Well, it doesn't sound like they actually think of you that way. Have you talked to any of them about your situation?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Witch Haru » Tue May 27, 2014 11:22 pm

it feels like it, though
like i am being excluded from all the people who are "real friends"
and i have tried but
i come off very clingy and too needy for attention
and that will just make things worse...
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Tue May 27, 2014 11:38 pm

Okay, if not them then I'd be happy to listen to anything else you want to say regarding your random moments. If you feel comfortable talking about it then tell me more.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Witch Haru » Tue May 27, 2014 11:43 pm

well thank you very much, wulf
i shall PM you....
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Sly » Wed Jun 04, 2014 11:14 am

I haven't posted in a while due to a small tale of woe.
I graduated on may 13th. I got an interview with an awesome company last friday that I'm pretty sure is gonna take me.
And then my sister has kicked me out :/ Right after my laptop died no less.
This company is gonna have me move to Pittsburgh, so I really can't be signing a lease right now in town. They're gonna give me relocation money and such, but for this moment right now I'm basically homeless.

This is where I need to vent about my sister, because she is the ultimate evil in my life and her kicking me out puts me in a bad situation, but I'd take being homeless over living with her. She's the only person who could make me doubt how beautiful I am, and she's the only person that can work me into a rage. She's the only person that knows how to hurt me on deep level because she was the one who abused me when I was younger. The first time I stopped talking to her was for four and a half year, second time was 9 months. This time, she's never going to see me again. If she has kids, my nieces and nephews will never know their aunt. And they can hate me for it, it's fine by me. For all the times my sister has hurt me she got away with it.

She's a manipulative vampire bitch, and feeds off of being powerful over others, having more stuff than her friends, being more beautiful than those she's surrounded by. No amount of rent I paid her was enough, she still calls me a freeloader. No amount of work I did was enough, she still called me lazy. No amount of being quiet and staying in my room to play video games on my laptop, with headphones, and others leaving almost no foot print of my being there besides having my stuff crammed into her extra bedroom with all of her other stuff was enough, I'm still a pain in the ass to live with and a horrible burden upon her whole fucking life. She acts like she's embarrassed of me. Despite how hard I worked in college, and how hard I worked in broadcast. I'm just some pathetic embarrassment to her.

I recently spent a weekend with my friend in Tampa at a surprise birthday party at his friend's house, and I watched a grown man in batman pajamas jump in his own pool covered in cake and holding three beers. The guy and his wife were very well off, and had gaming systems out the butt. The whole thing made me realize how much my sister was trying to control me. And you know what? It doesn't have to be that way. I don't have to listen to anything, or be influenced by any small part of her. I can wear silly gloves to a Miami marlin's baseball game. I can wear that and a ridiculous hat if I wanted to. I can play video games and not going out drinking if I want to. I don't have to care about what shirts I wear in my free time. I don't have to give a shit that I only listen to the music I want to, and not all of "what's in" on the radio. And I definitely don't have to do my make up the way she does her. I can do it however I want.

I'm going back to her condo to get my stuff on Sunday and I'm putting just about everything in my storage unit. I'm fortunate I have a friend to lean on right now, because I may be in Florida for only a month longer. He's gonna let me stay with him for the next month, though I'll only have a few things with me, my clothes, a book or two and my dead laptop x.x; (I need to try and get it fixed again...) By then I will know if I got the NEP job or not. If I don't get the job, I will arrange a more permanent situation. But for now I need to get through this next month.

My sister promised me all semester that she wasn't going to kick me out after graduation. I graduated May 13th. On May 20th this is how things went down between me and my sister:

I spent 5 days working back to back 18 hour days working at a baseball stadium that was hosting the a-sun championship. We were horrendously low staffed, so it was exhausting being out in the heat running camera in the heat of Florida summer 5 days in a row, for four games each day, 3/4 went into extra innings. By Saturday, I was sunburned, at the very end of my wits, and more exhausted than I think I've ever been. I hadn't been at home much because I'd been hanging out with boy toy who was also working the games. On Saturday night I came by to get some clothes, and I planned to stay the night at boy toy's place, cuz we were gonna veg out and chill all Sunday because we were both just that absolutely exhausted.

I walked in, sister was cooking so I went into my room and started getting my stuff. she said hi.
I said hi, i'm gonna get my stuff and be gone. I'll prolly see you on monday. She said you know what we need to talk about. I said, I paid you your rent what else is there to talk about. she said this wasn't a long term agreement about you staying her. You need to stop fucking around and start applying for jobs. I said we're not talking about this right the fuck now I'm exhausted I've been working 18 hour days, and I already told you all the jobs I applied for.(I had already applied for several, and I had my interview for the NEP the following week. I told her about the applications, I did not tell her about the interview because I straight up don't want her to know. I don't want her to know where I'm gonna go.)

From there she flipped her shit and chased me into my room screaming a whole bunch of venomous shit. And in turn I fucking lost it. I put my foot through a door, and threatened to punch. I was gonna hit her. I wanted to hit her. I wanted to punch her lights out and make her get a tiny taste of the pain she's inflicted on me in my life time. She beat the shit out of me when I was very, very little, and very, very sick with asthma. She beat the shit out of me all my life until high school. And right then, she gets away with it all of it and every bit about it, and I can't hit her back.

And thus she kicked me out right there. A week after graduation.
Every small stress I ever vented to her she used as ammo against me. Every small aspiration I had about having a second job in bartending, or even maybe working in an ice cream parlor, she uses as ammo against me. everything i love or worried about is something she can use to make me feel like shit.

v__v This is the last time I see her this Sunday. I'm gonna get my stuff, and then disappear from her life forever. I will do everything possible to never see her, any of her friends or people that know her ever again. I'm defriending everyone that she knows on facebook. I'm shutting down my pintrest and moving it under a different name. And I'm blocking her number and all of her friend's numbers.

My vengeance will be exacted this way: She's a superficial bitch, and she hates it when her friends have something she doesn't. Her friends have sisters that love their big sister and fill them with a sense of big sisterliness. Through ostracizing her forever, she will be the only one of her friends whose sister fucking hates her. And all of her friends will know I hate her because I know them. And she'll have to live with that, and watch her friends have sister's that love them, and she won't have it. It'll be the one thing all of her friend's have over her.

On my end, I'm deleting something out of my life. I remove myself from her life, is also removing her from mine. And I think in time, and knowing that she can't hurt me, and knowing that my vengeance is being exacted the more I move on, find peace, and the more distance I put between us, I'll be alright. I'll be able to be happy. This hatred won't hurt me if I know it is actually hurting her. My vengeance is satisfied knowing that I am using her own superficial bitchiness against her. Let it burn her to the end of her life.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Wed Jun 04, 2014 2:14 pm

Do yourself a favor.

While it's true she has done many things to harm you, don't hate her at all. She isn't a part of you or your life anymore, and what isn't a part of ourselves doesn't disturb us. This is something I would like to say for the rest of you as well.

It is never good to be vengeful or spiteful.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby MERASMUS! » Wed Jun 04, 2014 2:55 pm

"Don't give into hate. That leads to the Dark Side."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Rezby » Wed Jun 04, 2014 4:45 pm

The only thing worse than hating somebody is not caring about them in the slightest.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Sly » Thu Jun 05, 2014 12:09 pm

Getting over hating her is gonna take time. v__v It just is. For now, and maybe for the next few weeks, I'm gonna feel it. It'll burn me as much as I detailed how it will burn her.

Honestly, right now besides hating her, I didn't get the job I was after. It would have been the most perfect job that would have certified my place in remote broadcast for the rest of my career. It would have satisfied my deep desire to get out of Florida. It'd give me a job that paid enough to allow me to live on my own. Who cares if I hate my sister, I definately have bigger issues to be addressing.

I'm just going through a lot right now I guess.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Icha » Sat Jun 14, 2014 12:53 am

Feel free to get mad, but afterwards realize that you've got bigger problems right now
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog-Sothoth » Sun Jun 15, 2014 9:31 pm

I guess I've gotten back into the swing of things ever since my cousin passed away.

Applied for college finally. Starting the third week of August. Gonna feel weird to go back to academia, but I think I'll be fine.

It's not. Heartless to recover so fast, is it?

I feel like. I feel bad, still.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Sun Jun 15, 2014 9:35 pm

I wouldn't consider your recovery "fast", and everyone recovers differently anyhow c:
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Hiroko » Sun Jun 15, 2014 9:36 pm

It's not heartless of you, no, Yog. People cope and deal with things in different ways, and in different lengths, no matter how long or short that might be, and that's fine. So you shouldn't feel bad if you've managed to cope and move on in what you feel is a short amount of time.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog-Sothoth » Sun Jun 15, 2014 9:45 pm

Thanks you, you two.

I feel it's fast because I'm the only one in my family that seems to have moved on.

But I know it's for the best. I'm sure she wouldn't want me to wallow around. My family's always been the type to ask for a party at a funeral rather than mourning, so I'm sure that this is the right thing to do.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Tue Jun 17, 2014 11:30 pm

Yog wrote:I guess I've gotten back into the swing of things ever since my cousin passed away.

Applied for college finally. Starting the third week of August. Gonna feel weird to go back to academia, but I think I'll be fine.

It's not. Heartless to recover so fast, is it?

I feel like. I feel bad, still.

No. Heartless is never caring in the first place if you should. Very few people would want their deaths to burden others. It's not like her memory is gone or dishonored just because you're enacting positive life changes. Generally a good rule to follow can be asking how you would feel if the situation was reversed, like if you would be happy your cousin was putting her life on hold only to wallow in mourning, and I can safely assume the answer is no.

Good luck with college. The most important thing is more about having discipline than any sort of aptitude.
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