Snafu Therapy Thread. *TRIGGER WARNINGS* This topic is under Mod protection

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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Sat Nov 23, 2013 10:20 pm

Sounds like eventually you'll need to figure out what exactly it is, because that really just seems like a band aid solution
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Sat Nov 23, 2013 10:32 pm

Yeah you're right i need something that isn't temporary
Have you tried turn it off and on again?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Sat Nov 23, 2013 10:53 pm

What are these emotions? Depressive in nature? People are a pretty good outlet for that. Emotions like that tend to feed on themselves - depression makes you stay inside, staying inside makes you depressed, which makes you stay inside more, and so on and so forth. The same way how if you keep focusing on your anger or grief that only tends to perpetuate the feeling. These are the sort of feelings that eventually just go away and you don't even realize it until weeks after. There's nothing that makes it go away instantly. It's just one day you notice you aren't feeling it anymore.

I would say just keep up your interaction with people and stay sociable. Humans are sociable creatures. Even if your consciousness is screaming with social anxiety or whatever, there are biological improvements in your health from being around and interacting with people, that is much better for you than being a hermit.

Exercise also raises your endorphins. Plus it's hard to feel good about yourself if you're out of shape, even if you're not visibly overweight. Even just 15 minutes a day of moderate exercise has been shown to increase your mental and physical health.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Sat Nov 23, 2013 10:57 pm

EagleMan wrote:depression makes you stay inside, staying inside makes you depressed, which makes you stay inside more, and so on and so forth.

This is so true. When i do go out i like to make an impression on every person i have to talk to. It'll always be smiles from me. That's way I've been thinking about getting a job in retail. All that human interaction might be good for me.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Tue Nov 26, 2013 8:38 pm

I just.. I don't know you guys. I felt that i was being really mature about this. She wants to move to San Francisco and i understood that and i came to the conclusion that i shouldn't be depressed about it and just enjoy the time i had with her left. And now i said something stupid, i asked what we were. I thought maybe we'd at least be together sorta at least till she left but she expressed very clearly that she doesn't want a relationship which i understand she has work and there's some distance between us and it just wouldn't be viable right now. And now we cant even make out which is the worst part! Shit how can i enjoy the time i have left if we cant even make out and hold hands? I don't even really have any other friends. Sure there are people i talk to and get along with in a lot of my other classes but no one that i walk around campus with and joke around. I know that the last thign i should worry about is getting a girlfriend , i know that i should probably start with making some real friends but everyone sucks so hard.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby noxux » Tue Nov 26, 2013 8:57 pm

I may not be the best on this topic but I was once in this situation, with the people that you talk and get along with in the class try talking more often with them to see if you and them have anything in common, also try going out to places you like or find interesting to find people that may like the things you like and may find some new friends.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby tonightscake » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:20 pm

Personally, I find myself to be boring and kinda a buzz-kill. I generally can't keep any conversation going with anyone I'm not really good friends with, which makes it even harder to make new friends. Unless they're persistent and we have something in common then I won't really be able to say anything to them. Even if I do talk I'm generally awkward and I kill the conversation. I'm not really sure how to get comfortable talking with new people in general really. The only way can communicate clearly is through texts or notes or anything that doesn't really need any talking or on-spot communication. It used to be a lot worse, but I've been getting a bit better recently, it's still not nearly enough though.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby noxux » Tue Nov 26, 2013 10:57 pm

So cake you are basically a "mood killer" when talking or at least you were one, is this becuase you feel uncomfortable near people?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Wed Nov 27, 2013 3:08 am

Millo wrote:I just.. I don't know you guys. I felt that i was being really mature about this. She wants to move to San Francisco and i understood that and i came to the conclusion that i shouldn't be depressed about it and just enjoy the time i had with her left. And now i said something stupid, i asked what we were. I thought maybe we'd at least be together sorta at least till she left but she expressed very clearly that she doesn't want a relationship which i understand she has work and there's some distance between us and it just wouldn't be viable right now. And now we cant even make out which is the worst part! Shit how can i enjoy the time i have left if we cant even make out and hold hands? I don't even really have any other friends. Sure there are people i talk to and get along with in a lot of my other classes but no one that i walk around campus with and joke around. I know that the last thign i should worry about is getting a girlfriend , i know that i should probably start with making some real friends but everyone sucks so hard.

Yeah that sucks. So you won't have a girlfriend, but you should at least try to keep her as a friend if you can handle it. Nothing wrong with having a good friend. If she's an outgoing enough person, you could possibly ask her for advice on how to strike up relationships with other women, or if she has any friends available. I know you want this specific girl right now, but you're only doing yourself a disservice by being hung up on a woman who isn't available. All the time you spend hung up on her is time you spend ignoring other potential girlfriends. Besides, if you demonstrate maturity right now, maybe one day she'll come around to you and you two can be together then, whether it's a month or years from now. It's important that you respect her feelings right now, you have a lot to gain by doing it, and nothing to lose, but you do have a lot to lose if you try to push a relationship with her that she doesn't want right now.

Without knowing how it is in real life, I have no way of verifying if you're rationalizing or not, but this concerns me: "but she expressed very clearly that she doesn't want a relationship which i understand she has work and there's some distance between us and it just wouldn't be viable right now."

Did she specifically the only reasons she doesn't want a relationship is because of work, and whatever the "distance" is? What if she just doesn't want a relationship with you? I know it sounds harsh, but if you build up these rationalizations you're only setting yourself up for false hope, like oh if she quits work then we can be together, or if I just keep pushing to be closer then we can be together. All you might end up doing is pushing her away permanently, which is obviously not the goal here.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Wed Nov 27, 2013 9:37 am

EagleMan wrote:
Millo wrote:
Did she specifically the only reasons she doesn't want a relationship is because of work, and whatever the "distance" is? What if she just doesn't want a relationship with you? I know it sounds harsh, but if you build up these rationalizations you're only setting yourself up for false hope, like oh if she quits work then we can be together, or if I just keep pushing to be closer then we can be together. All you might end up doing is pushing her away permanently, which is obviously not the goal here.

Yes actually she did, she's potentially moving to San Francisco although that's not concrete and she's already moving in with her friend and she lives in queens which is kinda far away. I know she wants to move out of state and i can't stop her obviously but i would have liked to at least have some fun till she left.
Have you tried turn it off and on again?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Wed Nov 27, 2013 3:32 pm

Maybe she just doesn't want to get emotionally attached to someone before she has to go, and you say you just want to have fun. Are you going to try to work that angle? You two could still have casual sex/physical contact and such without being emotionally involved. That doesn't work for everyone though. If she does have feelings for you she might not go for since she knows she'd just be lying to herself and it'd only hurt that much more when she left.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Wed Nov 27, 2013 4:08 pm

EagleMan wrote:you say you just want to have fun. Are you going to try to work that angle? You two could still have casual sex/physical contact and such without being emotionally involved.

I am but i kind of fucked up yesterday, basically i freaked out and asked what we were to each other and mentioned that i would like for us to have something concrete. I felt so stupid afterwards i have no idea why i said it i knew we couldn't have a relationship. Now i don't think we'll make out any more. Which to be honest bothers me more than us dating. A friend of mine says that if i don't mention it when we see each other again that i'd be able to get that back.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Thu Nov 28, 2013 1:18 am

Sounds like the best route.

Acting like it didn't happen can be hard to do, but right now she's in a frame of mind where she'll perceive any outburst as reinforcing the idea that all you want is a relationship, so even if you desperately try to convince her it was a mistake, she might not be willing to hear it and it would only be counterproductive.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Thu Nov 28, 2013 12:13 pm

Yeah i understand but there's just such little time yah know, we only have like maybe a month before she moves away. I don't know how acting like it didn't happen will help.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Thu Nov 28, 2013 3:49 pm

Just throwing this out there, but maybe you just tell her what you've told us. That your freaked out etc, you regret it etc, but you'd like to still be friends and have fun while you can. Not much to lose at this point, right?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Thu Nov 28, 2013 10:34 pm

I was thinking that actually. And you're right i've got nothing to lose. Besides a wonderful friendship that i'm sure i would regret not having...
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Thu Nov 28, 2013 10:38 pm

Well do you have that now? I thought that was already gone or something. You guys are still on good terms? You made it seem like you weren't
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Thu Nov 28, 2013 10:41 pm

Good terms sure but i'd rather not stay as just friends it seems like such a downgrade from what we had on Tuesday.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Fri Nov 29, 2013 6:30 am

I still say damn the torpedoes and go for what you wan
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:08 pm

So you think i should apologize?
Have you tried turn it off and on again?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:42 pm

do you regret it? Then yes
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:43 pm

Ugh, i feel like it'll make me sound like such a loser.
Have you tried turn it off and on again?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:52 pm

*shrug* you don't have to really apologize, per say, I'm just saying you should explain what happened from you point of view and stuff.
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:54 pm

Yeah yeah I understand, this whole situation is just freaking stressful.
Have you tried turn it off and on again?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Sat Nov 30, 2013 2:14 am

If you do have any sort of talk, it's usually better to talk about how you feel, using the "I" word, rather than saying stuff like "You did... you made me..." etc., because that sort of language puts them on the defensive while no one can deny how you feel about something.

Plus since you're saying you'd rather not be just friends, it might be the case that you should go for it as Tuor said.
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