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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tenshi Nova » Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:35 am

You're probably one of the humble and overly apologetic person I've ever had the pleasure of speaking to. For me, I think you just need to relax a little bit more, and don't take yourself too seriously all the time.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby ari-6 » Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:38 am

Thank you for actually seeing it worth your time to reply like that. But I feel if you were a life coach you would not tell me to relax. Short of a tragedy, I just don't know what I can do to make me focus.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tenshi Nova » Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:49 am

heh, life coach...a handful of my friends would love to see this.

Find a way to release stress. I think you tend to underestimate yourself.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:54 am

I know it sounds stupidly simplistic, but other than what tenshi is suggesting, you just have to try to put yourself out there more. Join clubs, teams etc
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby ari-6 » Sun Oct 06, 2013 1:11 am

And still tragedy is my best option. Maybe once I have a rival/nemesis I will be motivated
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Blood Lord » Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:16 pm

ari-6 wrote: a life coach

Somebody call?

This is my view, btw. I don't really care if anyone disagrees with it. We all deal with life in a different way, and this is just my opinion on it.
ari-6 wrote:right now myself and my goals are my only concern. That is not what I consider my problem.

That's good because you are at that stage in life where you need to be the number one concern. Yes, caring for others is important, but the next six some odd years is going to define the rest of your life. During that time you will hopefully get a great education, find a career you love, ad (imho) find the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Your actions right now are going to define the rest of your life.

ari-6 wrote: I have no drive to socialize with anyone.

Tuor has the best advise for that. The best way to do something that you know you need to do is to go force yourself to do it. Find some clubs or teams of something that you enjoy doing and join them. Even for lunch or something, go sit in the commons and surround yourself with people. I wouldn't relax, you're doing enough of that right now. Get out and go do something.

ari-6 wrote:I have my goals but I have no drive to push myself towards achieving them

I understand a bit where you are coming from with this, as I myself am in a similar situation, but its more like I'm so stressed out that it is inhibiting my ability to focus, but that is a completely different story. But when my drive is knocked out, I listen to music or watch things that are similar to what I'm working on, like say art. If I'm having a problem getting motivated on that, I watch shows that are doing the art style I've been focusing on.

You're possibly looking at them and going "meh, what's the point?" Well the point is you. It's always been you. You are the first reason you are doing something because you wanted it for some reason. Other people, other things are usually a second reason. I didn't take up art for my sister, or my best friend, I took it up because dammit, it looks fun and I wanted to be able to do it. When I get better, am I going to use my talent to help other people? Yus. But for now, its because I wanted it.

You want those things because they hold some value to you. They are your goals and dreams because at the time you aspired to be someone better than who you are right now. It's up to you to keep pushing because you are going to start realizing that its going to be tough. There are going to be moments of growing pains, and failures, but every time you fall just means that the next time you rise up, you are going to be a little taller.

What do you fear? Failure? Negative attention? Pain? In my experience with people who have given up dreams and goals, it was because of this fear of judgement. That fear kept them back, and put their drive into neutral. You can't let yourself get trapped like that.

I also like quotes and here are two I want to share with you:
1: The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think. ~ David Icke

2: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. ~ Marianne Williamson

ari-6 wrote:I just don't know what to do to get myself out of this rut. So I thought maybe someone of the people who like to talk about others problems might have some genuinely good advice. I want to be one of those people who is proud of what they accomplish in a day.

Then you have to decide right now if you want to change and if you are willing to do it.

Make a plan, a list, and goals.

Plan out your days and weeks. Decided when you are going to go try and do things. Set time aside in the day for personal activities such as reading or drawing, about an hour each or so. Then have time set aside for activities or service projects with other people. Service projects will actually boost your mood considerably. Have some time in your day for school, work, family, etc. But I also want you to go out and explore your campus and make friends.

Lists are valuable. I love lists, to do lists, etc. My time as a missionary had me making tons of lists to keep myself organized and focused. It worked pretty well for me and still works well for me to this day. Write doing a list of the things you have to do, and want to do. these lists need to be focused somewhere in your living space, mine are on my mirror so I see them everyday and so I never forget what I want and need to do. You can even do a "challenges list" where you go and try new things. This ties in considerably with the goals.

For goals, make a daily and weekly goals. These are goals of things you want to get done or need to get done. As a missionary there were many times where we didn't meet out goals or the day just went terrible. So another missionary, who was my Zone Leader, challenged us to have five daily goals of things that would force us to go out of our way sometimes to get done, but it would help us feel like the day wasn't worthless and that we actually did something. They were things like "Try a new place to eat" or "see five inactive members". What I want you to do is try something similar. Make a list of five or so daily goals that will help push you out of your comfort zone and doing something. they shouldn't be too hard, things like "go try a new place to eat", or "go to the gym for a hour". They are going to be boosters that make you feel like you actually did something ad will help you get that confidence you need to keep going.

Weekly goals, I usually had about two or three. they were harder and took more time to do, but where designed to lead me to continue to push my main goals and dreams.

ari-6 wrote: I will be motivated

this is your new motto, not waiting for someone to come along. You wait like that, its already too late to do anything.

You are unhappy with your life, then you need to get up and do something about it. You need to stand up to yourself.

There are two types of people in this world, Ari. Those that are acted upon, and those that choose to act. Leonardo da Vinci said "It has long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things."

Ari, I know you can do whatever it is that you set your heart on. You can do it, can you hear me? Of course not, but you sure as hell better be getting what I'm writing.

You can do it. The only person that is going to stop you is you. So stop stopping yourself, get up, get excited, believe in yourself and do what you want to do.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby ari-6 » Sun Oct 06, 2013 3:00 pm

Really thank you so much for all of that. I wish I had seen it this morning so I could have started my day the right way but I spotted it now as I was just this moment about to quit what I was doing. For a moment I let my self forget that I have just started in a new class, now is the time to be as impressive as possible. I have to impress my class mates and my teachers by pushing expectations. The other day I was stopped in the street by a woman who said she saw something I had done and wanted to come over to my department to talk about things. Then she said that she was a LV3 animation student from France. I do not really need to explain why but a French animation student is high on my list of people it would be useful to know. So it is important I make sure my work space looks impressive for if she appears.

If you don't mind my saying, when I first heard that you went on a mission for two years without things like internet or television or other things that people take for granted, I thought to myself that something like that sounds scary but one day you would look back on it as a defining moment of your life and you would definitely be a better person for it. And then thought that there would probably never be a moment like that in my life, so I really did appreciate you going out of your way to say all those things.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Mon Oct 07, 2013 2:24 am

What are the goals you mentioned? Happiness isn't achieved by chasing arbitrary goals in life. Why do you have those goals? What do you expect to be do after those goals are completed? Sometimes you don't have motivation because deep down it isn't something you want to do. But sometimes reminding yourself why you have your goals can help motivate yourself. Sometimes goals are purely practical and aren't meant to bring you happiness, but then it's still important to recognize the foundation that accomplishing it can build, paving the way for future goals that bring happiness.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby SpiderTiki » Thu Oct 10, 2013 5:40 pm

So . . . I figure this is as good a place as any to vent myself out, especially considering there are many people here with good insight

(Some of you might actually be offended by how I word what I am about to say, just know that I don't mean to, I just deflect insecurities by trying to e funny about them.)

Some people, are afraid of spiders . . . Some people fear drowning . . . Me ? I have a fear so irrational it is downright insulting to most people. Some people figure me ignorant for it, others laugh and think its stupid, but this fear is truly not my fault, its how i was raised.

Image

I'm terrified of Lesbians . . .

not Gays in general, specifically lesbians, they terrify the everloving christ out of me. I can't be around them without fear crawling up my spine. I have legitemately ran away from them a good 3 times in my life, oddly enough, it isn't the same with the ones who try to be male so much as it is with the female ones. With the ones who try to be male I just feel slightly uncomfortable, like i need not to be there, but with the ones who are normal ,and just like girls, I completely freak out and cant even be in the same general area.
Personally I already know this isn't healthy, because in society you don't just get to say "Umm, this guy is gay, can I not work with him?" that's not how life works, nor would it be right.
But I simply cannot stay calm in the same area with a lesbian in it, Even talking about lesnians, reading anything with them in it, or any hint of it in any fashion, disturbs me for some ungodly reason, so much so even my friends who have come out i have slowly shy'ed away from .

Now I know alot of you who have friends like that,and even those of you who don't are probably thinking the same thing

Image

And before you chew me out for this allow me to explain WHY I'm terrified of them, yes I already know why, but thats about as far as I've gotten on my own.

All my life, my family has continually bashed me with horror stories about lesbians and gays, but lesbians the most. I'm not talking the typical bible stories here, im talking, since I was about 5 years old until I was 11, HORROR STORIES. The kinds of things you dont tell someone you want to function in society, I'm talking stories of how they would murder men to steal their wives, or steal the wife completely devastating the man, (because naturally in these stories, the man was perfect, and lesbians hate men). Stories where the only way a lesbian could possibly find someone to be with, was to either, humiliate, kill, or steal the woman from: the man.
This coupled with the media I got into didnt help either, anything I'd see or read that involved the faintest hint of lesbianism, it was always theivery, or, if the one in the story was a side character of the protagonist, she'd continually hit on, flat out try to steal, convince the girl that the guy was shit (whether he was or not), or just downright try to disclude the guy from everything the group would do so she could be alone with the female lead more.

First and foremost, I already know, the stuff I was told, have seen, and read. ARE 100% PERCENT BULLSHIT, women pursue relationships, nd can find anyone, without having to steal them. In fact, most likely if I was worried about that most likely I'd have to look at my guy friend's first, so thats really not my issue here, because I know what I was told, read, and had seen is, and was ,bull.

My problem is that after a thouroughly solid 8 years of mental conditioning, I really don't know how to take steps to deal with my issue and confront this fear, and in reality I'd love nothing more than to do that, because its really a burden.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Thu Oct 10, 2013 5:47 pm

This is probably going to come off as blunt and common sense, but try not running from them. Also, it's a good sign that you're aware of how ludicrous this is, and why you think this way. So when you get the urge to run, or think that way, check yourself, and remember what you've said here. Remember that you know it's the result of this indoctrination. Conciously work against it
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Thu Oct 10, 2013 6:27 pm

I find it odd your family focused more on lesbians than gays, usually all the hate goes towards gay men while lesbians are sort of ignored, or only hated for the fact they won't be having kids.

That said, there are basically two ways to extinguish a phobia. There is gradual exposure and intense exposure.

For gradual exposure, you would do something like look at a picture of women holding hands, or kissing. Then you would look at pictures of "butch" lesbians or otherwise stereotypical examples of lesbians. Then you could hang outside a LGBT center and get used to lesbians passing you by, with no contact. Then you could say hi to a lesbian, have some small talk. Then shake their hand. Then hug one. Etc.

For overexposure, this would be like being in a room with a lesbian, even one full of lesbians, and you force yourself to stay until you're no longer panicking. It'd be like jumping into a pit of snakes if you're afraid of snakes.

It is extremely important, in both methods, that you do not leave the situation until your body stops making you feel anxious. Think of your body as an idiot. If you have a panic attack around lesbians, and you leave, your body will congratulate itself on a job well done for avoiding the peril. If you force yourself to stay in a scenario with lesbians, your body will panic, but a body physically cannot panic forever, and so eventually your body will calm down and realize "Hey - there's no reason to launch this panic attack when lesbians are around, we don't need to do this again in the future".

I would recommend overexposure, especially for a phobia that doesn't have any logical basis to it (e.g. it's okay to be afraid of snakes, but having a phobia of them takes it too far). This gives you less chances to back out and you only need to be strong willed once to conquer your phobia. You said you had friends who came out, I assume some of them are women, aka lesbians then. Explain to them that your body is an idiot and you need their help to help get over this stupid phobia, and that it's in no way their fault you've been distancing yourself from them.

As a side note I would say do not try to watch lesbian porn to try to cure your phobia. In all likelihood that will only make the phobia worse for you as you'll be viewing an objectified, warped view of lesbians.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Blood Lord » Thu Oct 10, 2013 8:03 pm

uhh, anxiety attack solutions anyone?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Blood Lord » Thu Oct 10, 2013 8:08 pm

Please?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Sigment » Thu Oct 10, 2013 8:11 pm

Deep breaths, sitting down. What's going on?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Exodis » Thu Oct 10, 2013 8:12 pm

Take deep, slow breathes, think positive, stay calm.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Thu Oct 10, 2013 8:20 pm

There's some good breathing techniques here, dude
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby noxux » Thu Oct 10, 2013 9:17 pm

Breathing slowly and meditation for 10 minutes,having anxiety problems with your education BL?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby True Order » Fri Oct 11, 2013 12:36 am

Speaking of anxiety attack.

I was just metaphorically hit by a ton of bricks as I realized I grossly misinterpreted and misread directions for an essay.

At first it seemed nothing to sweat over, now it seems to be quite stress worthy.

Short summary of problema:
I read a part of the directions as "Focus on only chapters 5 and 6" but 2 days later it would seem that, hidden in the far right of the previous line just barely visible due to that little indent in the center of some books/folded papers, was the single word that would cut the rope of the brick load: "Don't" as in "Don't focus on only chapters 5 and 6." Fuck. That's a whole lot of extra shiz to cover, and I don't know the book that well.... Suppose I'll have to bend the rule a bit. *Raises mountain dew* Here's to an all-nighter! Or something close to it.

Sucks that this crap is my typical cause of stress but it could be worse, much much WORSE. So sleepy....
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Blood Lord » Fri Oct 11, 2013 9:56 am

Tuor wrote:There's some good breathing techniques here, dude

Thank you Tuor, number three helped out a ton.

noxux wrote:having anxiety problems with your education BL?

Hmm, kinda. I'm not in school till January though.

I applied to BYU-I's school of nursing in June, well they don't tell you if you made it until November or something. It's highly competitive and only accepts 40 students; 30 traditional, 10 alternative. Because of how many credits I have, I was forced to apply to the alternative program and fight for a seat out of 10. I haven't been worrying or stressing about it, but this guy in my ward (fancy name for church congregation) is a psychology teacher up at the university. He thinks that its very, very likely that I have been stressing about getting in on a subconscious level, which a few days ago I began to suspect. He and I think that it is affect my ability to focus on things, and that it caused a mild anxiety attack last night.

TL;DR - Blordy is stressed out.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Sigment » Fri Oct 11, 2013 10:31 am

Funny, you never seemed too stressed until last night. I hope I don't come across as ignorant for saying that.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tenshi Nova » Fri Oct 11, 2013 10:47 am

As long as you're feeling better now, remember there's always ppl around you. :D
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Jasthn » Fri Oct 11, 2013 11:43 pm

I rarely ever do this and I rarely ever know how to start these... I guess I do these in bursts when I go over the top.

I brush things off when I get annoyed, I try not to let things bother me whether it's stress, people or conflicts and it usually never bothers me after that. What I have a problem with, however, is stress and anxiety. So here I am, shaking and constantly moving myself in my chair while I try to start the massive amount of homework I somehow collected over the week after I sat in my dorm for most my week sitting in bed and doing homework and essays. So now I'm here with 2 essays (due Monday and Tuesday) a set of slides (due Monday), a Japanese exam to study for (on Monday), Political Science test (on Wednesday), I still need to talk to the Japanese family down the street from me so I can babysit/practice my Japanese with their daughter, do the equally massive amount of chores around the house which include fixing the hole in the wall my brother made, mowing the dirt and ivy filled backyard and blowing the leaves out of the ivy which is a good 2-3 hours and I have a lot of anxiety just because I have a tendency to over think when I feel like something is up with my girlfriend. I'm sure she wouldn't do anything to lose my trust or try to do anything like that, but I have a tendency to over think and then I begin to shut down. I literally just was on my bed for an hour and a half just mindlessly staring at the ceiling. I'm scatter brained as well which hurts my studying a lot, I get side tracked and I have a noisy house that requires a lot of my help because my parents can't take care of my mentally impaired brother who's practically a 23 year old baby who uses diapers. I also have a hard time sleeping at night recently because of all the stress and tihngs flooding into my head. I need to do a ton of other errands at school when I get back on Monday like find a tutor, figure out what classes I need for my major and think about switching my major or not, then I need to worry about the credit hours to graduate from Eastern on time since I have 2 and a half years left to get the minimum requirement. My parents have a short fuse and are the "strong and almighty" kind, almost like the stereotypical Asian "are you a doctor yet?" kind of parents. They dissaprove of my major, and harp on me for being lazy. Like hell I am.

So I'm losing my fucking mind, I'm shutting down, I can't think and I can't even calm down.. My heart is racing, my mind is trying to keep up with my thoughts, I feel like I've been running a marathon, I barely have a drive to go try to do anything right now. I'm just about ready to shut down and I would rather just stay that way.

Anyone have a way to kill stress? Help? Or not, I just wanted to vent somehow.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Mr. Sefrol » Sat Oct 12, 2013 1:49 am

So, remember my issue from last page? Yeah, after two weeks, nothing... Not a word back. From anyone. Not my friend(?), her friend, or her bf... Nothing. And since then I've had three incidences of health issues caused by stress. One being right now. I'm in such a dark place, and thoughts of actual suicide I haven't had since I've been a child flood my mind. I've cried, worried over what's going on. Scenarios playing through my mind over and over. What if I did this, or how about saying/doing this to get her attention? I need a word... A single word to know. How can the simplicity of silence drive me so far? The act of not knowing... letting it fester and grow wanting to know what can and cannot be done... Was it her choice? Her friend's? Is her bf actually my friend? Is he avoiding me too? And then darker thoughts came to mind... There have been other people I haven't talked to in a long time... Are they avoiding me too? Am I a burden? Too needy? Is there something I haven't thought of to solve what's going on? Where are my friends when I need them now? I need someone. Anyone. I feel sick ready to vomit and cry out to the night to swallow me whole and put me to rest. My sanity has been brought to question in the last hour... Trembling digits tap tap tap these words for all to see, and the sound of my fan echos so loudly. I was so happy hours ago, eating with my mother after not seeing her in such a long time, followed with visiting my sickly grandmother who's recovering from surgery... along with apparently my uncle as well who was jumped... again. He really needs to do something about that. Heh, thinking about someone else's pain made me forget about my own for a second... But still, where is that smile from such a short time away gone? I've tried and tried, but that smile eludes me. I'll be fine soon. But what happens when this comes up again? It's debilitating, feeling alone, scared and unwanted. Being missed... Who would miss such a weak and pathetic person as myself? Those that I've poured my heart and soul into and only being given silence in return...

I need a fucking psychiatrist or something.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Mr. Sefrol » Sat Oct 12, 2013 3:08 am

Okay, what the hell? 2&1/2 hours ago I was feeling my lowest in ages, now I'm trying to cheer someone up who's feeling the same way with a smile on my face?

WHAT THE HELL, BRAIN? Make up your mind already, am I happy or sad?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tenshi Nova » Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:45 am

More relaxation time. Find a better way to prioritize important things, and stop ppl that treat you like shit from walking in on your life.
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