Snafu Therapy Thread. *TRIGGER WARNINGS* This topic is under Mod protection

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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Spider Tiki » Sat Aug 23, 2014 9:46 pm

So maybe someone here has dealt with this and knows how to help.

So a friend of mine and one of the people I plan to room with in 6 months is not doing too well. He has this whole toxic relationship going on with this girl who is consistently playing him, claiming that she likes him, but just using him, doin shit behind his back and the like. Sadly I already knew this girl slept around all the time, a which by itself,is cool, have at it, but she likes to do it oonly while in relationships for some odd ass reason, maybe shes just evil I unno.

Problem is that, she cuts herself, blames him for making her feel bad, doesnt spsak to him for days only for him to hear how she was with some other guy, worst part is she slept with one of his 4 brothers and they don't even speak anymore, he wont evwn go somewhere if he's going, and they used to be really tight.One of the other roomies is our mutual friend and she is all over him evwn when my her boyfriens is around, so now he avoids the main guy because his girlfriend is always after him, and he just wants to hang with his friend, not start a fight.bottom line is, this girl leaves a path of destruction wherever she goes.

Now by this point you're probably wondering why he hasnt just broken up with her, from my point of view, its because she's emotionally manipulating and abusing the guy . He's obviously unhappy because whenever he is alone or looks at his phone for a second this upbeat and bubbly guy becomes depressed and mellow like someone shot his dog an we all know its because of her.

Nobody seems to be able to address it though, he always cuts them off or doesn't wanna talk about it or refuses to talk to whoever brought it up til thwy drop it, and just being flirted at by her is enough to get him pissed at you, and I dont want this girl to not only kill our friendship, and several others, but to ruin his life and prevent him from rooming with us, because she is not coming over where we live.

How do I help the poor guy?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Sat Aug 23, 2014 10:50 pm

To be honest the only thing you can really do is tell it to him straight. That you think this girl is toxic to his life and he needs to cut her off. This isn't an issue that you can really solve, it's something only he(or she) can end. I'm not saying to do the whole tough love routine but you have to give him that push to get this girl out of his life.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Sat Aug 23, 2014 11:19 pm

You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped, unfortunately.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Whatis6times9 » Sat Aug 23, 2014 11:23 pm

Pretty much you have to tell him that you'll be there for him when he breaks up with her but you can't watch him keep being allowed to be used and you have to walk away.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Mon Aug 25, 2014 6:50 pm

Tuor wrote:You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped, unfortunately.

Even for you Tuor, that's quite negative.

I would help your friend change his attitude completely even if he doesn't want to talk about it. If he doesn't have control over his life, then it shows that he isn't assertive enough.

But I actually think that this is besides the point. You even said it yourself; he's unhappy and alone. Give him some comfort and space before you confront the situation so that you'll be able to help give him the strength to make his own decisions, and build up his trust. If he keeps insisting on refusing to talk about it, don't give up on him as his friend. Find out what he wants in his life, and see if you can help him out with his family too and repair his relationships.

While you're at it, start taking care of yourself as well. if this girl's attention becomes focused towards you sometime later then you know what to do: resist her influence. If she starts blaming you for anything, don't be too aggressive or else she'll turn your friend against you, so no being physical either. You're also better off having your friend get even a little upset than anything. Avoid her as much as you can unless it's highly necessary that you confront her.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Mon Aug 25, 2014 7:06 pm

I don't think I'm normally a very negative person compared to the vast majority of people on here, so your statement confuses. Anyhow, I have found it to extraordinarily true. If someone doesn't want to be helped you just wind up expending a lot of energy on your part and not getting very far
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Mon Aug 25, 2014 7:21 pm

Tuor wrote:I don't think I'm normally a very negative person compared to the vast majority of people on here, so your statement confuses. Anyhow, I have found it to extraordinarily true. If someone doesn't want to be helped you just wind up expending a lot of energy on your part and not getting very far

If I was in SpiderTiki's position, I would never give up on my friends. And yes, maybe you do expend a lot of energy and not get far, but at least you've made a difference for that person, no matter how big or small. Compared to virtual reality, life is no forum; your relationships with friends can become more intimate and meaningful. SpiderTiki has a chance to contribute to this situation and make his friendship stronger than before, and I want to help him achieve that.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Whatis6times9 » Mon Aug 25, 2014 7:29 pm

Yeah, no, I've been through a similar situation with a friend. All that him trying to help his friend is going to do is just further damage the friendship, because his friend is unwilling to change the situation. If his friend was willing to change the situation go all in, but as long as his friend is okay with this nothing is going to change and trying to persuade him to change it is just going to drive a wedge between them.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:06 pm

Whatis6times9 wrote:Yeah, no, I've been through a similar situation with a friend. All that him trying to help his friend is going to do is just further damage the friendship, because his friend is unwilling to change the situation. If his friend was willing to change the situation go all in, but as long as his friend is okay with this nothing is going to change and trying to persuade him to change it is just going to drive a wedge between them.

Even so, SpiderTiki still needs to bring awareness of the situation to his friend so that he'll be willing to change it. Like I said before, his friend needs to have some comfort and space first; he won't be impatient and drive a wedge in the relationship (I hope he doesn't), but give his friend enough strength to try and tackle it on his own.

It is a volatile situation though. I'd rather not say too much.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:09 pm

Wulfespinndel wrote:
Tuor wrote:I don't think I'm normally a very negative person compared to the vast majority of people on here, so your statement confuses. Anyhow, I have found it to extraordinarily true. If someone doesn't want to be helped you just wind up expending a lot of energy on your part and not getting very far

If I was in SpiderTiki's position, I would never give up on my friends. And yes, maybe you do expend a lot of energy and not get far, but at least you've made a difference for that person, no matter how big or small. Compared to virtual reality, life is no forum; your relationships with friends can become more intimate and meaningful. SpiderTiki has a chance to contribute to this situation and make his friendship stronger than before, and I want to help him achieve that.

Well that's not what you're doing with this advice, sorry.
And I'm just going to ignore the perceived slights against my character and myself as a friend and hope that they were just that, perceived.

P.s since you posted while I was writing this.
Re read the situation, the friend clarly does *NOT* want to tackle this
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:18 pm

I'm going to take whatever I said back then. You spoke the truth, but it was something I knew that I chose not to accept anymore.

That said, it saddens me on the other hand that his friend probably won't do anything no matter how much he does to help him out. If his friend was mindful of what is affecting him now, then maybe he could look at it objectively and take action. He is really suffering.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Tue Sep 02, 2014 8:27 pm

So I've been doing my best as far as dealing with the Depression. I'm going to Personal Counseling, I still have a session or two of intake before the actual counseling starts. On the medical side I've gotten prescribed two Anti-Depressants, Zoloft and Xanax, the Zoloft takes about 2 or so weeks for it to really kick in so I can't say it's done much good but the Xanax works..er sort of. It worked really well last night but today when I had an anxiety attack it didn't really do much good. I must be taking it wrong.

This whole thing is strange for me, on one hand I like that I'm genuinely trying to better my mental health and it feels good every time I take that small step but in all this excitement and general busyness I sort of forgot that I'm really lonely. With the school year starting all of my friends are busy with their own lives, some have work and other more important things to deal with. In a given day I maybe say two things to someone, other than that I'm left all alone.

It makes me think that there's no point in bettering myself, no one is going to be around to watch me improve or give me words of encouragement when i'm feeling down. All I'm left with is Comics and Cartoons, which is what I always started with. Since I didn't have any friends as a kid this was the only type of enjoyment I got but now that I'm an adult I've got to say it isn't enough, I like being around people. I think I'm a better me when I can be around people. But who would want a friend like me..
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Tue Sep 02, 2014 8:50 pm

Millo.

You're going about this all wrong.

You shouldn't be doing this for anyone but yourself.

This is for the times when you look in the mirror and think, "what a pathetic sack of shit".

It's to disapprove that voice through overwhelming evidence to the contrary.


You'll find friends. That'll like you for you.

But one of your biggest problems is recognizing what you have.

Think on it, man.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Tue Sep 02, 2014 8:54 pm

By the way, I take Zoloft.

If you get the level of medication just right, it's goddamn fantastic.

Helps mellow you out, and after you spent some time like that, carefully dropping the medication little by little will help you get some control.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Tue Sep 02, 2014 8:55 pm

why am i here
Last edited by Wulfespinndel on Tue Sep 02, 2014 9:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Tue Sep 02, 2014 9:11 pm

Yog wrote:By the way, I take Zoloft.

If you get the level of medication just right, it's goddamn fantastic.

Helps mellow you out, and after you spent some time like that, carefully dropping the medication little by little will help you get some control.

How long did it take you for it to kick in? Like I said the people at the health clinic said it would take 2-3 weeks. I took half the dosage for the first 3 days and then was told to take the full pill. Do you just swallow it with water or do you eat something too?


Yog wrote:Millo.

You're going about this all wrong.

You shouldn't be doing this for anyone but yourself.

This is for the times when you look in the mirror and think, "what a pathetic sack of shit".

It's to disapprove that voice through overwhelming evidence to the contrary.


You'll find friends. That'll like you for you.

But one of your biggest problems is recognizing what you have.

Think on it, man.

Believe me I know that I'm doing this for myself, it's just that it's a long rough road ahead of me and I'm doing it alone and it makes me scared.
and on the topic of recognizing what I have I don't really understand what you mean. I don't have anything thats really worth anything to me.




I have issues talking to people, it's an accumulation of years of being beat by my father for acting out and talking in school and getting in trouble. Also there's a part of me that feels like I'm ruining people, like I'm some sort of stain that they eventually bleach out and take out of their lives.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Tue Sep 02, 2014 10:10 pm

Zoloft took me around 2 weeks.

And when I say recognize what you got, I mean, look at your life, man.

Can you REALLY say you have no one? Truly?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Tue Sep 02, 2014 10:19 pm

Yog wrote:Zoloft took me around 2 weeks.

And when I say recognize what you got, I mean, look at your life, man.

Can you REALLY say you have no one? Truly?

I can safely say I really don't have anyone. You've got a glimpse of my family life at home, we don't converse with each other. My mother leaves for work early mornings and my brother wakes up to go to school after I do. Most of the time when I am home it's just me and my brother but we don't talk much either. I love my friends, I really do but I can't be my true self around them. They're just not interested in the same things I am and I totally get that and respect it. Half of them have already graduated college and the other half dont go to the same school as me. On a daily basis yes, I am alone.

I think of you guys as my friends as well but it's difficult for me to really count this. I need physical touch and in the moment presence
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Tue Sep 02, 2014 10:24 pm

Maybe it's time to open up to these friends of yours.

If they're truly your friends, surely they'd be able to accept your true self, right?

I honestly don't think you're really counting everyone in your life.

Even in my darkest hours, I can say I had one person.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Wed Sep 03, 2014 9:40 am

It's not a matter of I'm afraid to open up to them for fear of rejection it's just the fact that I'm mature enough to realize they have their own battles to fight and I can't expect them to be around when I need them.

Also wulf any particular reason you edited your post?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Wed Sep 03, 2014 12:55 pm

That pretty much sounds like the antithesis of friendship to me and I don't see what that point of views has to do with maturity, but all right
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Wed Sep 03, 2014 3:41 pm

I'm sorry I realized later that I did a poor job wording everything.

Oh a physical level yes I see my friends often enough and we have shared experiences and history together. Yet there's something in me that is unable to connect with them in a deeper emotional level I mean I barely manage it with my best friend. This is the way in which I feel alone.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Wed Sep 03, 2014 6:17 pm

Then find new friends.

Join clubs.

Do things you've never thought of trying before.

You will find people.

But remember, Millo.

Just as you hide things from people, other might have depths you would have never thought of.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Wed Sep 03, 2014 7:12 pm

I think Millo is describing a problem he has with interpersonal relationships in general, I don't think it has to do with his friends
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Wulfespinndel » Wed Sep 03, 2014 7:19 pm

Millo wrote:Also wulf any particular reason you edited your post?

Let's not talk about it.
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