Hi, I'm Reishadowen, I normally hang out on the roleplay forum when I'm not at my photography sckit work. Anyways, As anyone who read my signiture yesterday knows, I was at a Jewish Wedding all day. My first Jewish wedding, and hopefull my last. >,<
What's it like being a photographer? Well, let's start. Now, take note that me and my crew, (mother and father) ate lunch at about 12:40 PM, then packed up. We shipped off and arrived at about 3 o clock, after a 30 minute drive, arrived. The synigogue (obvious spelling screw-up, I just know it) had the sanctuary on the other side of a wall where the reception was, and the drinks/bar table was held right outside the sancturary doors. Now, normally, on most christian, Catholic, or otherwise normal weddings, as night becomes day, 60% of the time, it also becomes a race to see who can get absolutely plastered the fastest. You might be surprised how often the bride wins.
However, I was then told by my father it would'nt turn into a race to get plastered this time around. I gave a sigh of releif, but remained a bit cynical. When I asked why, he said people drank before the ceremony even started, as ritual. I cringed. Now, we do a service where we show and print pictures from the wedding and such, rght at the reception, and let me tell you, an hour head-start for drunk guys to get even more plastered before they walk up to me and the crew at the table, asking for pictures we don't have for no damn reason whatsoever is the last thing I need on my job.
Now, one thing I have about the alchohal: It may be God's will for you to drink wine to celebrate and all, but I can't imagine people leaving over 20 quarter to half full glasses and cups of beer and wines all over in the sanctuary, including on the altar, hanging off the hymnal racks in the pews, etc. is very holy. I may not be a Jew, but that has got to be F*cking sacriligious. In all the christian and catholic weddings I have been to, where more atheists were invited then in jewish wedding, I have never seen people being so careless and disgraceful. Also, when someone wants to take your picture, the glass of beer is NOT glued to your fucking hand! You CAN put it down for five fugging seconds!
And you know, for being all holy and god-fearing Jews and stuff, they sure don't have much qualms about taking things without asking. We had an angel shapped candy dish we've had for awhile, and we take it to weddings ,sporrting events, etc. Any place we set up to print and show pictures at the table. Now, my mom in a pretty kind and sweet person, so she fills it with like, nestle crunch bars, (the mini sizes), mini resses cups, etc. For the kids and such. Well, fifteen minutes after we set up and reception is going, soemone snatches the dish, the whole thing, without us seeing. I spent like the next 30 minutes or so at least looking for it, before my dad finally found it being passed between a couple old ladies. He came up all like, "Oh. that's where that went to! thank you so much for finding it!" My dad's a bit of a softie, and he does'nt like being rough, and after explaining, they just looked at him oddly. And, (another thing I hate about old people) instead of apologizing, they turned to a couple of their grandaughters who had facial pericings galore (to a wedding no doubt), and long marylin manson-sylte hair, and asked, "Don't they look adrobile?"
Now, then, girls, if I can speak frankly for a moment, and give you a tip: For the love of all that is holy, I don't care if it makes you look slimmer (which they never do) or sexier, (Again, they just don't) wear dresses with straps over the shoulders or something to keep them on you. Those dresses that stay on by the fact that they are too tight to fall down, just make you look terribly squeezed like a sausage, if you have any body fat whatsoever. Also, it's hard to shoot photos when I'm busy laughing, because you spend more then half the wedding constantly pulling your dress up to make sure it does'nt fall off. And yes, I deal with this crap more then I should. I'm just waiting or that one Boquette toss where someone jumps up to get it and they jump right out of their dress. On that same note, I find it disturbing, that apparently, all bridesmaids think bras are optional. And guys, the object of the garter toss is to "catch" it as the groom flings it into the crowd. Not avert it like a plauge bearing fiend for god sakes. I swear, if it was'nt for 7 year old boys who did'nt know what the hell they were doing by snatching it up, no one would pick up that damn thing at all. It's very funny, but also sick at the same time when the kid is told he has to put it up the girl who caught the boquette's leg, most of time, they often run out of the hall screaming.
Also, please don't hold up the line when a photographer poses the wedding party for a shot, just so you can take one with your own crappy little 100 dollar digital camera. First off, your iddy bitty flash will not reach over 9 feet, so stop deluding yourself thinking you can strectch 25 out of it. Second, we use cameras that cost over 40 times that much, and use posed flashes on stands with several hundred and thousand dolar flash cards, transmitters/recieivng equipment, etc., for this kind of stuff, that if you trigger and kill the charge with you crappy camera just before we take the picture, I WILL hunt your ass down. And finally, we are getting paid for this by the bride and groom, who most of the time are so thoughtless they only give us 15 minutes to take over 40 posed shots between the wedding and reception anyways, making our time even more limited.
Anyways, as the night progressed, it came closer to dinner time. 8 O clock, still no food was servd to the guests. Did I mention we got there at 3, and we had'nt eaten since 1? Ok, did I mention my mom is a diabetic? Yeah, It sucks ass, we even told the kitchen crew, and bride and groom about it before the wedding even started. Apparently, they have short attention spans, or are damn inconsiderate. Almost 9pm, I snuck out to get some food for the crew, Burger king was the closest thing I could find, so I picked up a couple Jr's and a chicken fry, with some fries. I sneak them in, my mom looks towards the fries and is like, "Food!" And instantly strikes her hand intowards the fries faster then any snake or praying mantis I've ever seen. I turned to my dad and said, "Ok, we got a couple junior whoppers, and-"
"Gimme the burger!"
I was almost afraid I might lose my finger for a sec. Then, about 30 seconds later, the rabbi came over and said, "You can't bring that food in here, it's not kosher!" Take note, it was about this time, everyone was just now getting their salads. We of course, were last to be served. The rabbi then said, "You would'nt like it if we came into your church and ate food you did'nt like!" I was like, "Well, we don't fricken starve people for six hours for first of all, second, we don't forbid people to eat food for no damn reason other then we think it looks funny!" My mom and dad told me to go eat it out in the car. What they, or anyone else said or did next, I have no idea, but there I was, out in the van, thinking that my dad, who has been on his feet and working his ass off all day, and my mom who is a diabetic, are stuck without anything to eat, now how the hell could I eat a damn thing then?!
Well, that was pretty much the last straw. My dad went back in to fufill the contract and take photos of the cake and the last of the events, but me and my mother went back out to the van. She went low and we had to revive her with glucose medicene later on the way home, which thankfully she finally came back around, but, here's the fun part. When we told the bride and groom about the travesty about the food service (They finally got around to serving us the main course at about 10pm. Take note we ate lunch at 1, and arrived at 3) The groom asked, "Oh, what's going on now?" And the bride told him, "Oh, the Photographer's crew is upset about something so they're going home, but the photographer's staying!"
I managed to stay on my feet mostly because the urge to go postal was exactly equal to my urge to fall on the floor laughing and die like that. So, yeah, from now on, if I pick up the phone and another jewish person wants a wedding, if I can avoid falling down laughing, I'll just simply hang up. >,<
and yes, before you even ask, every last thing in the above rant is 100% real, and not stretched or exagurated the slightest.