I just have to vent about today at work. It finally happened. I got my first total cunt customer today. As a few of you know I design websites for a living... which in retrospect is odd since I didn't even fully design my own website. But anyhow that's beside the point. I make around 3 websites a day. It's a LOT of work and I'm busy constantly. But generally customers are happy to get their site and very pleasurable to work with. Then this cock biter came along. I call him up for our appointment to discuss his website. It's a simple process where I basically ask if he has a Logo he wants to use, What colors he likes, What "type" of website he wants, if there are any particular layouts or sites he really likes and what he likes about them so I can get a feel of where to go. And the all important Page names i.e. about us page, home page, contact page, products page etc. That sort of thing. Yeah I get on the phone with this guy and I ask if he has a Logo
That's fine no biggie a lot of people don't have logo's I can make something up. Next I ask him what he wants his pages to be.
"I don't know"
This took me back because we tell these people long in advance to think about what pages they want. So I thought no big deal I'll walk him through it and ask if he wants some of the most common pages. So I ask him if he wants a contact page
"I don't know the answer to that David"
So I'm thinking WTF... So I ask if he wants an about us page
"Again I don't know."
And at this point he get's MAAAAAAAD at me.
"I was told you'd make the website for me!11!! If I have to go and do all this stuff then I might as well have done it all myself!!11!! Raaarrragh blah blah blah"
So I try to be as nice as possible while stenciling ASS HOLE into my notepad over and over again. So I said don't worry about the pages we'll come back to that later. So I asked him what colors he would like to use.
"Dammit you should have told me I'd need all of this. I'm very mad at the sales person he told me I'd have someone make my website but I'm doing everything myself."
Now I didn't even know until this point that it was humanly POSSIBLE to go into a hysterical rage over being asked what colors you like. Best case scenario I can think of is he picked the wrong favorite color "pink" when he was in elementary school and got beat up for it until the whole question became too tramatic for his current "adult" psyche to handle.
So then I try to move onto the next question which is if he has looked at our portfolio page of websites we've done and knows of one that he likes the layout or look so we can get an idea of what he likes.
"I looked at your portfolio but I might as well have been looking at the Yellow Pages."
Ummm... OK... Well did you like any of them.
"No, I don't see how any of them applies to a sound system business."
Which apparently the Sound System business is big on hiring the most amazingly ignorant pieces of shit society has to offer. So then I had to calmly say, I KNOW they don't apply to your sound business I'm a GRAPHIC DESIGNER I just want to know if you like the LOOK the LOOOOOOOK of the websites.
"I still don't see how this applys to my business. Let me tell you about what we do so YOU can get a better idea of what's going on."
Then he goes off on me about how he installs sound systems in rooms. Good to know that people who ride the short bus can get a job somewhere. Then after about 5 minutes of him rambling I more or less just Pick a layout that most people like and say "Do you like THIS one?"
"Your not listening to me this has nothing to do with Sound Systems."
Which by this point I am absolutely PISSED THE FUCK OFF and yet manage to keep my cool and am painfully nice to this fuck still. I have to explain again that I KNOW the website isn't a Sound System site but do you like how it LOOKS, do you like how it's has the logo in the center. Do you like how it has the links at the top.
"sure it looks ok"
FINALLY I have SOMETHING to go off of no matter how small. I didn't even get into specifics about what he likes about it because at this point I'm thinking thank goodness I have something.
Then I think to myself I still need to know what pages he wants or I can't make ANY of the page link buttons. So I try and walk him through the pages thing again. He get's PISSSSSSSED. I try and try and try to explain to him I can't make a webpage if I don't know what he WANTS. He then goes on another rant of how he's a sound company business. And I have to explain to him "I run a sound company" isn't enough to make a webpage on his company from. I tell him we're going to need content and information about his company to make anything for him. He absolutely refuses to send us ANYTHING about his company. He goes off again on how if he knew he'd have to do all the work he'd have just done it himself. So he asks me what webpages I'd put on his website. So I go with "Well you'll most likely want an About Us page so you can tell people how long you've been in business and about some of your more impressive work experience." And he finally have a happy tone to his voice no matter how short lived.
"Yes see now that's where you would tell everyone we have 50 years in experience. We haven't been in business 50 years we've only been in business 5 but we have a combined total of 50 years experience with all our employees." Then he got mad again that I couldn't just make that for him.
Which I thought to myself you dirty lieing son of a bitch I hope you get sued. Espcially such a nice round number "50 years". But I didn't say that to him. What I DID say though was, Sir ~I~ don't know that you've had 50 years experience. I can't possibly know ANYTHING about you and your company if you won't tell me. He then goes off on a huge rant of,
"I have a sound system company. We distribute Boise Speakers. (and some other company speakers that I've never even heard of.)"
Then out of the blue he tells me that he'll need all of the companies logo's that he distributes on the website. Which is fine so I ask him if he can send me the logo's he wants us to use on his website. He then immediately goes off on a LOOOOONG Rant about how I'll need to get the font just right to spell Boise and the other Logo's exactly the same because that's important... He just kept yelling at me about it over and over again. It dawns on me that this cock sucker wants me to reproduce all of their logo's from scratch... Which is INCREDIBLE considering I've never seen these logo's in my life and he refused to consider giving me one or showing me one or even telling me where I could get one.
I had to say over and over we can use the logo's we just NEED THE LOGO'S to use them. So I asked if he even had the logo's. He just kept going off on his rant of how I better make them look exactly how they are because "thats important." Then he told me that he wanted the logo's to link back to each company's website. Which is fine but I asked if he had those website addresses for us to link back to. He got PISSED even more. So after he calms down enough for me to get a word in I was like, fine I can look it up on Google can you give me a list of the companys you want me to find their logo and link back to." HE WOULDN'T EVEN TELL ME WHAT COMPANIES HE WANTED.
So finally I just had to say "SIR I can't read your mind. I can't make Logo's appear magically out of no where especailly if you won't tell me what company logo's you want."
The conversation never did get any better. I was on the phone with this dumb ass getting yelled at for AT LEAST an hour. As soon as I could finally put the phone down I immediatley took my lunch break to vent.
Best part. I don't know of any link buttons to make so I still need to call him tomorrow and figure out what the FUCK this man wants.